This is my first post. Pardon if this is not the right place for my questions. Here is the short story. My father is in his last stage of Parkinson's and my mother has "dementia " but refuses help . For the past 3 years I have been assisting them and that includes 3 different moves to Georgia and back. Long story. As of December last. They insisted on another move to Georgia but I said "only if you go to a home" they agreed. However they make to much money for Medicaid so they are paying $4300 a month out of pocket..but they do not make that much with social security..but went anyway. Last year the 3 of us bought a moblie home together and paid cash. Forward to 2 weeks ago..now they want to come back because it is paid for. Omg. I told them that in the first place. They won't listen.they won't allow me to be POA ..heck I didn't get a key to the house till I moved in. "They are fine with making decisions " well. They are not. So now.. with no poa .. what can I do to stop this foolishness?. I am single..no siblings and have no money for attorney advice or help.
Separate any 'I want us to move to xyz...." emotional talk from any "We are doing XYZ" factual plans.
The wishful dreamers from the doers. My Mother wants to come home - can she? Right now? Gosh no. Can't walk, call a taxi etc. It's an emotional want.
I want to downsize. Can I? You bet. I am trawling real estate sites. There is a difference.
Despite being older & having PD & Dementia, your folks still WANT things. Still want to be in control. Who doesn't?
It is very individual, but just as eyesight & hearing fades, so can reason & judgement. PD in later stages brings cognitive changes. "Dementia" as you put it.. tell us more.. doesn't have to be the more common Alzheimer's memory loss. Vascular Dementia is next common & can effect judgement & reasoning before memory.
These cases where no POA has been assigned or no springing POA is effected yet poor decision making is present are definately hard.
Hard times call for hard choices.
Do you enable their poor decisions so they are successful OR let them fail?
Let them not fall into real danger if you can prevent - enact the safety net of professional services as you need ie Police, Ambulance, Lawyers.
Otherwise, a little fail may be ok. Eg if they can't actually affect a move from assisted living - well.. so be it.
I would also take this approach: WHY do they want to leave? What do they want that is missing in their current life? Can those missing things be added?
Will the AL accept Medicaid when they run out of money?
Does your dad understand that?
I wouldn't lift another finger for them until they both assign you as their DURABLE PoA (meaning it takes effect upon signing). Then take them both to the doctor to get a cognitive exam into their medical records. Do this only if you wish to continue to attempt to manage their chaos. Your mom may have dementia, so why act on any of her plans? I think you first need an actual diagnosis (if there isn't one) and then you need to educate yourself about dementia and how to better interact with people who have, and know what to expect. There's lots to know if you're going to be dealing with them every day. My vote would be that you don't -- you need to invest in your own future and that means NOT being a caregiver for 2 people when you don't have power or resources.
I'm also an only child and my single mom lives next door to me. I have told her that I'll help her stay in her home until it either becomes unsafe for her or onerous for me. You need to have a boundary since there is only one of you and two of them. Choosing to stop being their manager doesn't mean you don't love them. It's just the math, the reality. Pay for a 1-hr consult with an elder law attorney -- it it totally worth it in your case.
If so, call her/him (and if not a SW, then the Director of Nursing or the Administrator) and tell them that your parents are planning a move to a trailer and THAT YOU WILL NOT BE THERE. THEY WILL HAVE NO CAREGIVER IF THEY MOVE.
Make it VERY clear to the folks at AL that you will be moving out before your parents arrive and that you have no intention of becoming their personal slave.
Please make plans to move on with your life; you need a job and a place to live that is not dependent upon your parents.
Visit your local social services office and ask for help finding a job and a place to live.
Maybe, maybe not. It really depends on the type of title. Florida has medicaid recovery only from probate assets. If the title has right of survivorship then there is no probate and thus it's not subject to medicaid recovery. As you suggest though, OP should check with a lawyer for their specific situation.