Do any of you have siblings who are mentally ill and unable to help or comprehend what you are going through with your parents?

I love my brother with all my heart. I know he would help me if he were able. I just don't think I'm going to be taking her on any more 2hr one way drives to see him. Nerves can't take it. She hasn't pressed it either.

I have a mentally ill sibling. That person sometimes think that their needs are more important than my parents. Yes, my sibling is selfish. Fortunately, that person lives in an another state. The only time my parents deal with that person is online or thru a phone call. When that person visits on holidays, it turns out to be a very interesting visit.

Yup. My brother is undiagnosed and would be living in a ditch if left to his own devices. He has had bedbugs in his trailer for 4 years. He has a job and amazingly, a decent girlfriend, but I have no idea how. He pretends he is a vampire, a soldier of fortune, Howard Hughes, he has no teeth, has not eaten a vegetable in 30 years, will not drink water or take a vitamin and is proud of all of these facts. He will not see a doctor, dentist, take a bath, clean his home, change oil or put oil in his vehicle. He will not get a driver's license, tags for his plates, or car insurance. When cited for the law, he simply quits driving and walks 20 miles to work. There is no end to the heartache. My mother recently was put into a NH, and can no longer support him financially. She gave him her car and his trailer, which she owned outright, his 21st vehicle she provided for him, and his 7th home. She has bankrupted herself, and cannot even pay her own life insurance premiums now, to ensure that when she dies (which is 20-30 years away) that he will get a dime to help him. People make terrible choices, and one of hers was to cripple him with kindness until he was unable to stand alone at all. Now, we must all face the terrible consequences of those choices, and try to pick up the pieces, help, live through it, sometimes with all the responsibility and none of the legal ability, none of the financial ability, because in another set of poor choices, Mom has left all POA control to her ignorant, uneducated, self-serving family. Sadly, I became so tired of the pain of my brother and mother ruining themselves in some dysfunctional dance, some years ago, in order to protect my own sanity, I took a break from them both. My brother was constantly threatening to kill himself, so I told him please go ahead, since he was killing Mom anyway, then there would only be one person suffering and at least Mom would perhaps have some money left to take care of her long-term care needs. And amazingly...this stopped him. He still came to her now and then for some help, but the relentless requests for his online girlfriends begging for 500.00 and stupid purchases he couldnt afford, at least THAT stopped. Now my mom has NO MONEY at all. So, he has no interest. And amazingly...he has found a woman to take care of him, a job and if not the way I would have it, a life. I dont know if there is any message here for you. I just wanted to say, I hear ya, I have a mentally ill brother, and the sick relationship between he and my mother, from day 1, has ruined any hope of her having quality care for herself, or any inheritance for her other 2 children. My brother got it all by either being mentally ill, or when he was not, so narcissistic that nothing else mattered but to get what he wanted. He probably has millions of dollars stuffed in a mattress somewhere. He also wont use banks, checks, write anything down, and has no contract with the US Government. All this...and an IQ of 140. But so, so very emotionally crippled, when he isnt devious, whining, on the take, conning or seriously in trouble. Remember that old saying Life Sucks and Then You Die. well, that is my mantra. all this shit is temporary. good luck.

sorry to reply twice!