I know caregiving is tiring and frustrating and we are all human, but sometimes I lose my temper and it makes me feel awful. My elderly mom has severe dementia and can't do anything for herself. And she doesn't know that she can't do anything for herself. So she'll do something like pee all over the floor and then 30 seconds later say "I would never do something like that" or "I didn't do that." I try to clean it up and she stands there accusing me of being the one who did it. Everyday. All day. Over and over again it's things like this. I never get out of the house, I never have time for myself or friends anymore. I'm tired. I'm burned out. And so sometimes I just lose it! I lose it like a wild woman. I yell and scream at her. I swear like a drunken sailor and then swear some more. And then I feel bad for not being more patient and compassionate.
Some of us cry, some of us storm away in frustration, and some of us blow up like a hell hound has been unleashed. I'm sorry you reached a breaking point, but I'm glad you have taken steps to take some of the pressure off. Forgive yourself, we are all just human caregivers, most of us won't ever be nominated for sainthood.
I have to tell you that you need someone to relieve you for a few hours even because you can be there constantly. If you have a friend or if you can get her a home health aide. You need to make time for you. I do want you to know you are not alone, You arent a horrible person when you lose your temper, and you need to have a break. I hope this helped, and that you find relief soon.
When you start to meltdown, could you go outside for a minute? Walk around the block? Count to 100? Put your mom in another room, so she's not telling you that you peed on the floor?
My mom has no short-term memory, so I get the "I haven't had candy in a long time" when she has candy available every day. But even small things like that annoy me, so I can only imagine how it sets you off when your mother denies peeing on the floor and then accuses YOU of doing it. That's enough to make anyone lose it!
But do the best you can and maybe start a countdown calendar for yourself, so that you know there's an end to the pain and suffering you're going through. Hugs to you - you're doing the impossible all by yourself.
We're hard on ourselves, esp with dementia patients whose thinking is so far from what we are thinking. Don't beat yourself up. I have "blown up" in mother's presence maybe twice in 60 years. She doesn't seem to be emotionally attached to me, so she doesn't even notice.
You aren't horrible, you're normal.
I don't curse
I don't hate anyone
Yes, it is a service, duty, done out of love and respect.
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It's hard
Difficult
Heart breaking
No happy ending
Depressing
Becoming the parent to your parent is a warped and evil thing to endure.
Physically, Mentally, Emotionally draining.
I am tired all the time. Go to bed exhausted and get up,just as much
Who am I going to tell this or how I feel?
My shrink, according to some posters here, is useless.............I'm thinking about replacing him ASAP.
So... there. That's how I feel today.
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Where is your mother staying? With you? If so, then it's time to get some outside help in, or get some respite care.
It wouldn't hurt to see if you can find a local support group as well. Contact your local Alzheimer's Assn. to see if there's one in your area.
You could also ask if they provide the Creating Confident Caregivers' classes, which would be very helpful.
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