I take care of my elderly parents w/o any help from my brother who doesn't want to be bothered. My mom doesn't want to hurt my brother's feelings, so she never gets mad at him or tells him he needs to help out. My mom has no issues yelling at me.
Anyone else in this same situation?
We're discussing homecare but she lost the paperwork that was left by our consultant back in February.
She's doing the weirdest things, she could've called the younger brother to fix her outside faucet but didn't. She said it was too rusty, no way he could've fixed it? He's in heating and plumbing!
So seeing everyone posting makes me feel better, too!
You might think about getting outside help so you can repair your relationship with your mother? I'm hoping less confrontation will let the mending begin. We love them but they don't understand that at a certain age roles reverse and want to continue to be the mom.
Love and luck to all!
I know she loved me and we had a close relationship but I always saw how brother didn't have to do anything and he stole her heart. In fact all three of my brothers, the same thing.
It hurt sometimes but I just accepted it.
Mothers and sons . . .best friends. Fathers and daughters . . best friends.
Something I've observed my whole life with other families. It seems to be an anomaly when a mother and daughter get along like BFF's . . or fathers and sons.
I'm pretty sure you're not alone with this situation. Hell, even my mom liked my husband more than me. Yeap. Only child/daughter here. My mom practically ignored me when both of us visited her. Still , not easy to take, is it. *sigh*
My brother’s too busy doing things around the house (drinking alcohol & smoking cannabis) to help. He reeked of one or the other until I pointed it out. Now he smells like cheap drugstore cologne.
I bailed last month on all three until things change. I’m not holding my breath, except for the stench of pot or Old Spice.
Thanks, OP, for this. It’s an injustice to hardworking adult daughters. Should be a rallying cry for change.
My dad, on the other hand, when he was alive, doted on me, and took me places, but left the boys at home.
It's a no win situation so don't bother trying. Your brother will always be the golden child to your parents..........the less he does, the more golden he shall be. Unfair and stupid as hell, but typical.
Your Mom may not take your brother to task because she knows it would do no good. Why bother? Where would it get one, but more loss.
As to her yelling at you, how about you look her right in the eye and say "I know you are my Mom and I know you love me, and I know you know I love YOU, but let me tell you, human being to human being, it is NOT OK to yell at me. And when you do it I will withdraw from you for a while, for my own sake. Doesn't mean I don't love you. Just means I will give myself a break.
I think if you plan on your Mom joining you in anger at the bro? That's a waste of your time. You know the sitch and so does she, and it won't change. He is what he is.
Her last years weren't the best but we did what we could and she slipped away peacefully in her sleep.
Not a great environment to grow up in.