Dad moved in because he didn't have the funds or ability to live on his own. I have a nice place with plenty of room plus the sib's were non compliant. Fast forward 4 years and I cover all the house expense. Yes there is more heat and electric and food but minor. Now we have to travel across the country for a funeral. Dad says he has money for the plane fare. It will cost me abut $1500. with air, car, hotel and food. Of course the sibs are no where to be found with financial assistance. So I am the one left with the tab. He can't travel on his own, he will need a wheelchair in the airport. Do I assess him 50/50 on the costs? Not staying 5 star but not red roof either. We will have to eat out and when we do he orders everything as he knows I will pick up the tab. I'd rather be spending the money on a nice vacation with my wife. I know it is my duty to get him there but why do I have to pay it?
I remember when my parents wanted to fly back to Dad's hometown, I knew it just wouldn't work out very well. For one, neither could do the walk from one area to another in the airport. Mom would refuse to use the wheelchair service [what if a friend or neighbor saw her].
I told Dad that many things have changed since they had flown back in the 1980's.... example Mom wouldn't like going through TSA and having her purse and her own person checked out. Dad smiled and proudly said "Mom will yell at them". I told him if Mom did that then TSA wouldn't let her fly. Then what? Eventually the trip idea was dropped.
If dad balks, then you can send him (arrange for wheelchairs at the airport) but dad should have someone meet him at the other end that will ensure he has hotel, help him with transportation and accompany him at funeral, etc. plus ensure he gets back to airport and loaded on the plane home.
I think this is hard and stressful and if it were me I'd just tell dad, no -- you are n't going and you don't recommend he go this time either.
Good luck.
If you dont, don't go.
Many people in wheelchairs travel independently. There are folks at the airport who assist them.
Have you asked the other siblings to cover this cost? Write a group email. "Dad wants to attend Uncle Joe's funeral. I don't have the funds to cover the cost, as I am already housing and feeding dad. I am not able to take time off to accompany him. Please discuss any assistance you can provide with dad this week."