I really want to skip Thanksgiving this year. Usually, I cook for my husband, brother, and dad and maybe a few of my husband's nearby family. But, this year, the in-laws are going to spend it doing their own thing. Which leaves me trying to make Thanksgiving special for my dad, brother and husband. Dad's anger issues have gotten worse since his stroke 2 years ago and I'm the primary caregiver even though he's still able to live on his own. He and my brother have never been close...there's always tension, but they can get along for the sake of others. But there's ALWAYS that tension between the two of them. My brother just recovered from COVID and has already told me he's not up for a Thanksgiving meal and thinks we should just wait and get together for Christmas. So does my husband. My problem is...how do I tell dad we aren't going to get together that day? He's not the easiest to get along with right now. My husband says we could just take him a plate of Thanksgiving dinner. Which is fine with me...but, how do I explain that we aren't going to get together at our house?
So in 2019, we did not spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my father who was in a lovely ALF. I refused to subject myself to his ranting and swearing any longer. He had NPD and ASPD. I was shocked he never got evicted. We hid at home just the 2 of us. No guilt, no regrets.
Now that both folks are gone, I went NC with my siblings as well. My life is so much more peaceful without toxic people in it. We stay home and binge watch movies and TV shows all day.
Do what is best for for YOU. Everyone else will get over it. Good luck!
{{{HUGS}}}
Sorry i don't have any brilliant advice.
I do believe though that honesty IS always the best policy.
If i were in your same situation, I would probably tell my mother, "I'm sorry, but D and I are just going to use Thanksgiving Day as a day off - from everything."
And then maybe order a full meal from a GOOD restaurant and take it over there.
Things haven't been going that well since 2020.