She is 68 and a sweet lady. She had a stroke 13 yrs. ago and is not able to walk or talk. Is confined to a wheelchair. Due to unforeseen family circumstances, my mother in law had to move in with us. There are two other siblings, but they don't care and are in and out of jail and want nothing to do with her care. Her husband passed away, which is another reason why she came to live with us. My husband and I didn't know what to do, as we literally had one day to drop everything and go to AZ to pick her up. My husband had to take money from his 401K so that we could build an extension onto our home with a large handicapped bathroom. I regret this now. I shower her, make her meals, got her all new clothes, hair done, nails, etc. etc. My husband helps, when he can. We both work full time jobs. My teenagers are useless as far as help. Anyway, I could go on and on, but what it comes down to is I DON'T WANT HER LIVING HERE ANY LONGER. I feel uncomfortable in my own home, and try to avoid seeing her, which I feel guilty about. I don't want someone to come in and help out, I don't want her here period. Like I said, we didn't have time to think about what we would do, only that she needed a place now. We didn't want her to go to a nursing home, as her SSI is not much at all. There are no assets at all. She is very lonely. All she does is sit and watch TV all day. That's all she's done for the past 13 yrs. How do I go about finding a nursing home or another type of residence for her based on her income? She's a nice lady, but at 49, my kids are teenagers now. I feel like I have a toddler once again. I've told my husband a couple of times, and he just says "OK." What the hell does that mean? We can no longer go places whenever we want, because we can't leave her alone for long. I just want my independence back.
You are the one who wants to be freer. You are the one doing most of the work now. You can get help from others - maybe even your kids! But more likely from the local AAA, as suggested. Don't drive yourself crazy expecting your husband to take action. Thank him for "letting" you do this! I hope it works out.