she has a wonderful caretaker- from an agency who comes fri-tues am- but showers are a battle.but has to be done and she is able to stand for a short time, she no longer has to be sponged- in bed- but its a battle-and she becomes so nasty- and mean- i believe control is part of the issue- but as dementia tends to alter ones reallity- and hers is so distorted- how do u deal with it? less talking, more just doing?
she tells me-" u dont know what they are doing to me-taking my clothes off-and taking me outside in the street- call the police- call the agency- this woman is terrible-"i understand, perception is your reality
and her is frightening at times, but how do u talk to someone to calm them- agree with the -change the subject?-ignore them? i love my mom, but even i cant take it sometimes when she is so lfrustrated that she cant control her anger and starts in on me- how horrible i am-how could her own daughter be so selfish- with me, it never matters what i
have done or am doing- it eentually becomes a stream of insults and then she wants to stay in bed and not move-she canmove-now that she has come home from the hospital- but she tends to want to do nothing- and she needs to move around so that she doesnt lose the ability to move-
anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences?
i dappreciate any kind of advise,thisis just the middle of a processthat i am told will just get worse-i must learn how to handle it-
thanks for your time- k
Hang tough, I know you can get through this.
what i found was that when she wasnt getting out of bed- etc.
only to and from the bathroom- with help- she was very
constipated- and her bladder wasnt working either-
when women get older, especially if they have had multiple births,
with my mom she has diabeties also, well,i have found that many women unfortunately over time ,develope a dropped pelvic floor-
i found alot of info about it on the web- also under prolapsed.....
the muscles kind give out- it is painful and can cause other problems-
when she goes to the bathroom- is anything coming out?
with my mom, what happened was that she was in so much pain, she really couldnt get out of bed- because when she did everything just hurt and she was so sore- but we didnt know that at the time, we just knew that we werehaving so much trouble with her, and she was not moving very much- we really did not realize how bad it was-
so i suggest see if u can get her to be checked out by her doctor--my mom was hospitalized for 3 weeks- it was horrible but she is
finally able to go to the bathroom and really go...
she is very restless and anxious, but she walks aroung the house-where as before she could hardly move-
ill leave u with this suggestion for now-
chk out the medical side of this- maybe something is going on-
i have found that the forcing to take a shower is really counterproductive-
it just creates more fear and stress- elderly have this fear of water- i am just reading about this-and when they are being undressed, and touched- sometimes they express it as "im being raped" -im still working out how to attempt the shower
issue- she can be washed with wipes when she goes to the bathroom- because that area is one that u need to keep clean,
and u can even keep a wet wash cloth so that when in the bath room u can clean her face and neck-
ill let u know if i come up with some better ideas-
also maybe her meds need to be changed-it just seems like there is no one way or one answer- things change everyday- sometimes i am the best daughter- a good girl- who finally gets it- and other times i am the one who always was so difficult-who runs away- who cant do anything- is so mean to her mother-
as i am sure u know it can go on and on-
it is just the worst way to be- it isnt fair- living so long and then u become a tortured soul that lives with something that just eats u alive-
lets stay intouch-we can exchange progress reports
i hope this is of some help to u--
im so tired too- but we do what we have to-,the best we can-
and that all we can do.
Stressed in SC