She needs 24 hr care. Thinks we should do out of love.. my sister has given up her job to do this and her home for the time being...she refuses to go to nursing home...told my sister she is saving money living with her on light bill etc. My sister would rather be at her house but has given up everything for mom. I was driving 5 hours staying two weeks at time but mom is very selfish ...its always about her and hard to deal with...she would have never took care of us if we needed her like this. She doesn't trust no one so there is no power of attorney etc...mom had no problem putting my father in nursing home but now she said she would never put a love one in a nursing home...other children say they didn't sign up to help care for mom...anyone input welcome.
We brought her to the ER with the sudden confusion and memory loss, and they kept her for tests. Probable mini strokes. Psychiatrist interviewed her. I don't know how he worded the questions, but he said she was depressed and said she had no reason to live. He started her on an anti-depressant and wanted to put her in psych ward for several weeks of observation.
I got a POA form printed out at the library and immediately filled out parts for her. I asked a nurse to witness my aunt's signature. Another visitor overheard and told us that without a POA, they could legally keep her, get protective custody from the state, and get all her money. At that point my aunt understood enough to sign and agree to live with us for a few weeks while deciding what to do.
Long story, but your mother could end up in a similar situation if sister leaves, and she refuses to get help and pay someone. Sister should not be guilted into staying. Mom needs to hear the possible consequences. And doctor needs to hear the truth.
I took my aunt to her own doctor a few weeks before all this, and found out she'd not been honest. He told her he was very worried about her. (On the side, he told me it would be ok with him if I kidnapped her and took her to my home.)
Maybe someone not family can talk to your Mom. Good luck, and big hugs.
Whether Mom is living in her home or ur sisters, its not working. Mom needs more than u can provide. If she can afford it, she needs to go to an AL. If not then LTC. Sister needs to get back to work. Her future SS is involved here.
You also need to right up everything Mom does. I would take it personally to the doctors office and ask that he read it before Moms next visit. He needs to know about how she is lying. I would also mention that u paid room and board and mileage to Mom. Also, explain she does not allow u to come with her nor will she allow a POA so as her children, ur hands are tied.
The question now is l “What are you and your sister willing to do to support each other?”
Do you both feel guilty for attempting to provide for your own welfare? What is YOUR Doctor saying to you about your health? What about your sister’s health?
Keep a record of her “demands”. Do NOT believe what MOTHER says her doctor says, or said.
DO sit down with someone whom you trust and write a letter to her doctor, containing FACTS ONLY, about how Mother functions in the home. Nobody really cares about how “mean”or “stubborn” or any other emotionally based complaint she is, especially if they refuse to have anything to do with her.
Mail the letter to the doctor, then make a promise to yourself that you will IGNORE what she does and says.
If she needs residential care to save the lives of you and your sister, tell her she may choose THAT, or fend for herself. You have listened to her demands too often and too patiently.
TAKE CHARGE. Save YOUR life.
Help your sister out. If she says Mom must go to a facility so that she (sister) can stay sane, support her decision.
Even though you cannot GET information from mother's doctor, you can certainly provide it, in a letter, an email or a fax.
Your sister has no obligation to give up her life to care for your mother. She knows that, doesn't she?
And if she IS caregiving, she SHOULD be paid. Your mother deserves the respect implied by paying her own way.