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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Hello Everyone, I am 38 years old from Ontario, Canada and I live part-time with my 78-year-old mother and my girlfriend the rest of the time. Unfortunately, my father passed away 8 years ago from a heart attack and I was handed (for lack of words) the responsibility to assist with her and our home which is fairly large. Over this time it feels like she is losing her ability to understand when or when not to say things (the filter so to speak) and has upset my girlfriend enough times that I just keep them separated. For me, I just feel like I am at my wits end with this, she doesn’t respect my views and agitates me about them. She acts very selfish, and demanding and will guilt me when I don’t do something or disagree with her. The biggest issue is that I have a tough time with my anger and she has me so wound up that I just blow up at her (not physically) I tell her to stop but she just says I have anger issues and keeps complaining or demanding. I try to walk away but sometimes it’s not that easy, I have reached out to our family doctor a few times but our “healthcare system” is so backed up that it could take months to years to have this addressed by the professionals she needs. The bottom line is that I am concerned that something regrettable will happen and even that I could have a medical issue as I have high blood pressure as it is and a family history. Could I get some advice to help me with this, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
What are your mother's health issues that make living with her part time a " necessity"? You are unable to deal with her, emotionally, and probably for good reason, so rather than compromise your health, your relationship with her AND with your girlfriend, I suggest mother sell her large home and move into senior living. Either Independent Senior Living with Assisted Living available, or straight into Assisted Living. She'll have others to socialize with and plenty to do, and you'll get to be her son again instead of a resentful and burned out caregiver.
If she refuses, move out and leave her the phone numbers of a few caregiver agencies in town, Uber, and Wal Mart delivery service.
You weren’t ‘handed’ the responsibility, you picked it up yourself. Now you need to put it down again. What ever duty you think you owe to your mother, you CERTAINLY have no duty to the ‘house’. If M can’t cope with the house, it gets sold and M moves to something that she is better able to deal with herself. Start cleaning out your belongings – that tells a story in itself. Just walk away from her ideas about your ‘responsibility’.
M “is losing her ability” to control her own behavior appropriately. She is ‘selfish and demanding’. This will get worse rather than better. You need to deal with it now. Ignore her – look up ‘grey rock’ and use it when you don’t want to get into an argument. I recommend ear plugs to avoid listening to her. The more you do what she wants, the harder it will be to make her reasonable – why quit when she’s ahead?
It would be surprising if your GF is not as fed up with this as you are – unless she actually wants a part-time relationship. It might help to go together to a counselor, work out where you are both at, develop a goal, and decide on a game plan to reach it. Your lives, your relationship and your futures are on the table.
I am 82. I can assure you, your mother will probably be fine without you. And if not, she should go into ALF for care, and sell off that big old house, which seems clearly a burden to you both.
You are a grown up adult. You have choices and decisions to make that no one can make for you. I myself would not be taking care of this woman, nor frankly living anywhere near to her.
I would be getting help with my anger issues before they destroyed a relationship I actually cared about--that with my girlfriend.
But that's me. And you are you. And only YOU can make decisions for your life. And only you will bear the repercussions of those decisions. I can only wish you the greatest of luck with your choices.
How exactly did you get "handed" the care of your Mother? Any other family around?
I also have high blood pressure too, so you have a perfect reason to back out. Your Mom can hire people, like most of us do without husbands. You are old enough to back out, sop propping her up. She needs to downsize from a big house, and knows it.
Of course she may refuse, so tell her you will hire people (she pays for) to help her. Or she can downsize, sell her big house and get a small condo, or Senior Living. She will be waited on daily, and still be in charge. I'm 70 and planning to sell my ho,e and downsize, it's too much work and money by myself.
Mom's been a widow long enough to know this. Don't let her destroy your prime years of life, especially when so disrespectful toward you. She needs you, you don't need her. Not everyone lives forever in sheer bliss.
Perhaps it’s time to sell the large house and Mom go to assisted living . I know easier said than done since apparently Mom thinks you are required to put your life on hold . She probably wants to stay in her home .
The other option is hire help to come in using Mom’s money . Tell Mom this is not working and you need to move out and go back to your own home with your girlfriend .
You are propping up Mom’s lifestyle . Giving her a false independence . If Mom does not need assisted living for personal care yet , and you are just there taking care of the large home, and meals , perhaps Mom could downsize to an independent living apartment in a senior community where she would get housekeeping once a week and up to 3 meals a day .
Mom is nasty to your girlfriend because Mom wants you all to herself . In her mind , your girlfriend is an obstacle .
If Mom refuses options for help that AREN’T you , then back off and “ let her fail” at living in her big house . This is what I was told by a very wise social worker . If you keep doing what Mom tells you to do , she won’t accept help from strangers or sell her home . So long as you are the solution for her , nothing will change for you . In fact it will get worse as she needs more help .
Mom is too controlling . That’s not fair to you . The person who needs help is supposed to be the flexible person . You should not be her caregiver anymore .
I don’t know about Canada , but in the US we have Agency of Aging who can do a care needs assessment and help with placement . We also have APS ( adult protective services ) who are called to report a vulnerable elder who should not be living alone without help . They can also assist with placement . Either way you have to “ stop helping “ Mom “ let her fail “ , if she refuses to hire help or move out of her house to a senior community where she gets help .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If she refuses, move out and leave her the phone numbers of a few caregiver agencies in town, Uber, and Wal Mart delivery service.
Best of luck with all of this.
M “is losing her ability” to control her own behavior appropriately. She is ‘selfish and demanding’. This will get worse rather than better. You need to deal with it now. Ignore her – look up ‘grey rock’ and use it when you don’t want to get into an argument. I recommend ear plugs to avoid listening to her. The more you do what she wants, the harder it will be to make her reasonable – why quit when she’s ahead?
It would be surprising if your GF is not as fed up with this as you are – unless she actually wants a part-time relationship. It might help to go together to a counselor, work out where you are both at, develop a goal, and decide on a game plan to reach it. Your lives, your relationship and your futures are on the table.
You are a grown up adult. You have choices and decisions to make that no one can make for you. I myself would not be taking care of this woman, nor frankly living anywhere near to her.
I would be getting help with my anger issues before they destroyed a relationship I actually cared about--that with my girlfriend.
But that's me.
And you are you. And only YOU can make decisions for your life. And only you will bear the repercussions of those decisions.
I can only wish you the greatest of luck with your choices.
How exactly did you get "handed" the care of your Mother? Any other family around?
I also have high blood pressure too, so you have a perfect reason to back out. Your Mom can hire people, like most of us do without husbands. You are old enough to back out, sop propping her up. She needs to downsize from a big house, and knows it.
Of course she may refuse, so tell her you will hire people (she pays for) to help her. Or she can downsize, sell her big house and get a small condo, or Senior Living. She will be waited on daily, and still be in charge. I'm 70 and planning to sell my ho,e and downsize, it's too much work and money by myself.
Mom's been a widow long enough to know this. Don't let her destroy your prime years of life, especially when so disrespectful toward you. She needs you, you don't need her. Not everyone lives forever in sheer bliss.
The other option is hire help to come in using Mom’s money . Tell Mom this is not working and you need to move out and go back to your own home with your girlfriend .
You are propping up Mom’s lifestyle . Giving her a false independence . If Mom does not need assisted living for personal care yet , and you are just there taking care of the large home, and meals , perhaps Mom could downsize to an independent living apartment in a senior community where she would get housekeeping once a week and up to 3 meals a day .
Mom is nasty to your girlfriend because Mom wants you all to herself . In her mind , your girlfriend is an obstacle .
If Mom refuses options for help that AREN’T you , then back off and “ let her fail” at living in her big house . This is what I was told by a very wise social worker . If you keep doing what Mom tells you to do , she won’t accept help from strangers or sell her home . So long as you are the solution for her , nothing will change for you . In fact it will get worse as she needs more help .
Mom is too controlling . That’s not fair to you . The person who needs help is supposed to be the flexible person .
You should not be her caregiver anymore .
I don’t know about Canada , but in the US we have Agency of Aging who can do a care needs assessment and help with placement . We also have APS ( adult protective services ) who are called to report a vulnerable elder who should not be living alone without help . They can also assist with placement . Either way you have to “ stop helping “ Mom “ let her fail “ , if she refuses to hire help or move out of her house to a senior community where she gets help .