In the UK we are all now required by law to wear face masks when shopping and visiting other indoor businesses. The government has positioned this as the caring thing to do: wearing a mask to protect others in case you are are an asymptomatic carrier of the virus, thus reducing virus transmission. My mother is an avid follower of the News and all things Covid, she knows how this has torn through our country leaving tens of thousands dead or seriously ill, yet she is resisting mask wearing when going out. Earlier this week we went into our local town, with our masks ready for use. When we got to the Bank, she said she couldn’t find her mask despite me checking that she’d got it before we left the house, and then said she was going inside anyway, without it. Of course she was stopped at the door, where the assistant kindly but firmly gave her a mask from a big box they had for this very purpose, and she had to put it on before going any further. When she came out she was furious about having to wear the mask, saying that it messed her hair up, despite the fact that she’d just been given one for free and that there were signs everywhere, outdoors as well as indoors, reminding people about mask wearing. Yesterday we went to the greengrocers and I made her put the mask on before we got out of the car, but then I heard her complaining bitterly to the shop assistant about it. The assistant patiently smiled and said that she’d soon be able to take it off when she’d finished her shopping. My mother took this comment at face value and whipped off the mask before she’d actually left the shop. When I challenged her about it outside she said the assistant had said she could take it off, which was patently untrue. Once again she started complaining about hating having to wear it, it was hot, she didn’t like it, it messed up her hair, like a petulant child. I felt that all of these complaints could have been said by any of us, but we are all just putting up with it for the good of our society and community. I have told her that if she won’t wear it, I won’t take her to the shops again. My mother has always been selfish and is a narcissist, so appealing to her to do the right thing to protect others is wasted on her. I just wondered if anyone else had had this problem, and if so, what they’d done about it?
I get so sick of going places with her, just to hear her huff and puff about having to wear a mask. "Are you alive?" that is the only question I have for her. Deal with it.
Masks are now law in my city too. This massive change to our laws & freedom is such a shock. Many rebel but it has given me much thought, especially about giving people the choice of their own actions where you can. No mask = Police offer mask. No wear = fine. Refuse to give ID for fine = arrest.
A few years ago I requested a relative to wear incontinence undergarms when I took them out in my car. (You can guess why). They refused. So I refused to drive them.
I think this approach with the mask may be needed many times along this aging journey with your Mother.
You are likely correct when you say:
" I have told her that if she won’t wear it, I won’t take her to the shops again."
Be sure to say goodbye on your way out the door, wearing your mask. It may only take once. But getting out by yourself may help give you a moment's respite, if you can safely leave her alone.
I sympathize that hearing the complaining can make your caregiving more difficult.
Best regards to you this day, caregivers everywhere.
Finally, he ended up taking her to the store and she sits in the car (with the mask on) and he does her small shopping for her.
At her 90th birthday 'social distancing' we all wore masks and she had hers hanging by the straps. It was ridiculous. We were darn lucky that nobody had COVID b/c that was 2 months ago and we were still not 100% masking, social distancing, etc.
The last time it was brought up to me, I had had enough of the selfish bs and told them that they were correct, they had the right to not wear a mask, in fact they had the right to be dead right!
I have not been heard one complaint for about 3 weeks and my dad even went and bought some Trump 2020 masks. I guess hearing that they could die because they refuse to wear masks was the right thing to say to wake them up. Because telling them that they needed to protect their fellow man didn't faze either of them. Reality is she is increasing her risk of contracting the virus by not wearing a mask.
As others have said, let it go and let the shop owners deal with her. You can tell her that you don't want to hear her grumblings about it, it is okay to not be her dumping ground.
She complains about masks too!
As far as your own mother is concerned, I'd say step back. This is not a battle worth picking. Your mother will be told by the people with the right authority in each given place what she is required to do. If she won't comply, do not attempt yourself to make her but neither should you back her up when she gets herself into arguments. Do the right thing yourself and otherwise, as regards her, stay neutral. If she goes on and on about it and you can't stand another word, say: "yes, it's a pain. Whining doesn't help, however."
I've no confidence at all in a standard mask's being an effective barrier, but the current reality is that wearing one where required to is simple good manners. You could try telling your mother that she should no more go into a shop without a mask than she would go topless.
If she genuinely does find breathing through a mask uncomfortable (i.e. it isn't just a matter of getting used to it) you could suggest a wearable plastic shield*. It won't do her hair-do any favours, and unless it's very high quality indeed it's a pain to see through, but it does make speaking easier. Mind you, I keep bumping into things - you really get to understand how dogs feel when they come back from the vet's wearing the "lampshade of shame."
*Some clients lip-read, so when we can't wear masks we use shields instead.
At this stage I was wondering if some sort of complete body suit like an olympic swimmer (with my head covered too) would be easier. All dignity is gone.