It seems that other sibilings in the family feel that their lives are too busy or they have exceptional circumstances to be involved with any part of mums care, even though she has just moved in to a nursing home, so the load is now lighter. Some have the attitude of someone else can do it. My husband is worried that his sister will burn out without some support, as we have done - there is 7 in the family. We are very willing to take some of the load but cannot take it on again fulltime as it seems we are expected to do. We feel that it would be nice if others in the family would be willing also to make it easier for everyone & give their mum quality of life. Is this a common problem? Does it always fall to only one?
To often we think the problem is with taking care of mom or dad. The problem could be with families period. Were mom and dad the only ones that really helped the children and grand children as adults? It seems children at any age believe that parents are their to help for life and it is an expectation. Yet the same family group is resistant to help each other. No one complains and has the attitude that they don't have to help each other for years. The parents mature and need help and the children are use to taking and not giving. One or two of the children step in and the pattern of leaving them with the burden is set.
To break the cycle perhaps as parents we need to teach our children to help each other. To verbally and physically insist that they help each other as children, as young adults and onward.
That doesn't mean we don't have life of our own. It is a balance.
My great grandfather had all the children over for Sunday lunch forever. Those that couldn't be there physically called in and talked to everyone. When someone had a ligit problem Grandfather would advise each of them to give so much to resolve the problem..that might be money, time or talent. As a result the entire family did well and when they got old the family took care of them.
This may not work as it did 2 generations ago but the family unit as it is seems to breed family members who don't feel enough compasion and required service to their families and communities to do the right thing. That may be because they didn't see it, experience it, and practice it thoughout their life.
I know this doesn't help you...but maybe all of us need to review our family units and see what we can do to stop the cycle. ????
It's a privilege having you guys in this forum. ... Wish I had more time to chat, but it's 4:10 am here in NYC. Gotta go to work.
I don't get it though? Why did we not turn our backs? What is the difference between us and our siblings? I don't understand. I'm just a normal -- (of course on those bad days that is even up for debate) every day person. Some of you said...you can't make them help...I agree. I've asked...a few different ways...and I'm done. It is too hard on me being angry with them. It sometimes still creeps up but I quickly put it in it's place. They have come through a couple times during an emergency. I'm grateful for that.
God definitely knew the folks that would be best for the job...if you wonder who. Go look in the mirror. God Bless all of you.
Best of luck. We all know it's hard. It just is.
God bless you
Occasionally if there is enough goodwill to go around, a schedule of visits or tasks may be set up by a family that can talk things out and agree on it. Sometimes those who live far away can be persuaded to help financially at least. Don't try to do what you know you cannot do, but if you do whatever you realistically can to help, it wil be a blessing to at least you, mom, and sister regardless of what the others choose to do.