It's beginning to affect my sanity. I agree but don't act. A few days later, I get the angry calls about her money.
Backstory: I had to take over her finances and bills because she wouldn't stop donating. Checks, cash, cards, everything. Checks bounced all over the world while still being written. I'm still trying to clear it all up. I'm at wits end.
She had fake stamps, and was still writing checks from the old account that was compromised. Now she gets nothing! I'm still cleaning up that mess.
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My dad can do all those things but needs and has 24/7 care in his home because of his dementia and Parkinson's. He's always been very honest and realistic about how he is doing.
When you say "in home care", do you mean she's living alone at home?
Is she still living at Independent Living? Is that type of place still sufficient for her? If she were someplace where there is emergency backup, I would give her a number to call that only allows her to leave a message. The facility can call you if it's urgent. If not, you call her when you are available and can avoid all those constant calls. I would not accept calls all day. Maybe, she needs a higher level of care now.
I would also discuss this with her doctor. It sounds like she is obsessing. That can be a terrible and stressful condition. See if it can be treated with medicaiton. If her anxiety is treated, perhaps her constant calls will diminish. When my cousin went on Cymbalta, which is for anxiety and depression, she stopped calling and having anxiety attacks.
Have you discussed her agitation and anger with her doctor, or better, a geriatric psychiatrist?
What would happen if you stopped taking her calls, or said " mom, we're not discussing money anymore"?