My mom had a fall about two months ago, and was hospitalized for a broken leg. After she was discharged, she went to rehab at a nursing facility. Even though the facility is nice, and the people are doing a good job, she hasn't done well enough with therapy to be able to continue. Because of this, she has had to stay in nursing care. Her mind has gone somewhat, and even though she doesn't have Alzheimers, she can't understand why she can't go home. She has a blank expression where a sparkly smile in her eyes used to be, and she has been crying and asking to come live with me. This is impossible because of my work, and my husband works long days as well. We have serious financial problems as well and we haven't the means to get in home care. I went through the process of getting Medicaid for my mom so we could keep her in the nursing home, but I received a letter yesterday saying we were going to have to pay an additional $745.00 per month that we don't have because of "increased income". I can't understand how this could be since all she has had are her Medicare check and a 56.00 retirement. I am at my wit's end between trying to be there for my mom, seeing my small business fail in this economy, wondering how I'm going to have the strength to fight Medicaid, and trying just to get over the fact that the mom I always knew is no longer here. I haven't felt any happiness in a long time, and I wonder if I ever will again. I wish I could talk to God and ask why we have to get old and fade from the person we always were in life to be a shell of a person in a broken sad body. I guess I will never understand this. I am just so, so sad.
Be careful with the meds. Learn why they are giving her each Rx. Ask about the side effects and ask how long she will need to be on them. That may be why you are getting the blank expression.
good luck...try not to let your sadness get in the way of helping your Mom. I find that when I am backed into a corner, a solution, that I never even considered, seems to present itself.
You will be happy again. Life goes on. Some days it is worse, and many days it is better. Grab little chunks of happiness where you can. Don't feel guilty about feeling happy! Life is not fair, but it is good. I don't think we are ever the same after experiencing a huge loss -- the death of a parent, the disability of a loved one. But humans are amazingly resilient. We may never be the same, but we will be happy. (I'm counting on it!)
As for being sad, that seems like a perfectly appropriate response to the situation. When bad things happen, it is normal to feel bad. If you seem to be stuck, if you are having a hard time working through the sadness and moving on to do what needs to be done, then perhaps a support group or counselling, or even medication for you should be considered.
In addition to trating her broken leg, has your mother had a through geriatric workup? You say she doesn't have Alzheimers -- has that been determined medically? Have other forms of dementia been eliminated? How about depression?
My heart goes out to you. Get some help with the Medicaid application. Get some help for yourself if the sadness lingers on and on or is overwhelming. And come here to vent often.