I have a sister who has refused to help care for our mother, 90 and a hospice patient, fine, while it would be best to work together I am doing all I can for Mom regardless. Now the caregivers I have hired to assist with Mom's care tell me that when my sister visits when I am not present she asks oodles of questions and puts down my Mother and myself even calling us evil. I am reluctant to confront my sister at this time of my Mother's life. My sister has always craved attention, been jealous of me the younger, more successful sister. After decades of trying to be close and have a healthy relationship with her, I have long since decided not to "play into her hand" and now this. What to do? This is too much! The caregivers see thru the situation and have even asked me to ban her from visiting, as she upsets our Mother. My feeling is that Mom knows better than anyone how she is and loves her in spite of her faults, it is not my place to place a barrier at this time. Advice please.
Parent should have the peace at this point and not the stress of unfinished business. Your sister is probably looking for some sort of acknowledgment, righting of a wrong, etc. for closure -- if it hasn't happened up to now; likely it won't.
Hang in there; many hugs to you.
I had to do this for my father before he passed away - It's very personal, so I won't get into it. That being said; I did consult with my father concerning his wishes - and he did not want this family member visiting as he was finally having some peace in his life. When the end was approaching, he was coherent and I asked if he wanted to see this family member and he said yes. I complied with his wishes and have no regrets. He was the sweetest person I have ever known and I would do anything in the world for him.
Bless you for being such a wonderful daughter - blessings and hugs across the miles.