My mother is 94, in good health, mobile, hard of hearing but now having some memory issues. Aunt is 84 and in great health. My brother is 63, an alcoholic, who collects social security, does pay rent to mom, but has cirrhosis. He continues to drink a case of beer a day, sits in his room all day watching TV or looking at his phone. He has started pooping in his pants, doesn't shower or brush his teeth and looks and smells terrible. Due to his poor hygiene, the rest of us kids are afraid his dirty poop hands that touch the refrigerator, microwave, sink etc. will get mom or aunt sick. He has no interest in quitting his drinking, doesn't drive but has a buddy bringing him his beer everyday. Mom wants him to stay, he keeps saying he'll leave because he doesn't like us checking on him, but of course hasn't. Mom doesn't need the rent $ he gives her so that's not an issue. He's not interested in seeking help medically and it's a matter of time before he drops dead. We all love him, have told him so, and have repeatedly tried to help him but these last 7 months, he's been so withdrawn. He basically pays room & board but no interaction with our family and he always used to be sociable until the last few months.Any recourse in using his unsanitary habits as a reason to boot him out? Any help or suggestions are welcome.
In all truth, brother will likely not make it that long.
If you visit this home and feel it is truly a danger health wise to these two women, feel free to call APS for an assessment. It is almost a certainty that they cannot intervene for two women who are not assessed legally incompetent, but you yourself may feel better, and feel free to step back and away from this figurative and literal mess.
You will get "the call" when he is down and hospitalized with his cirrhosis, which may not be long, so be prepared. Alcoholic encephalopathy may at that point be present for him, and he may need management of the state and placement. At that point the gals will need to be assessed for their ability to be on their own; apparently, they are still shopping, cooking and whatever, because I doubt he is capable with a case of beer on board.
There is another post that is current on page one, of a woman attempting to deal with an alcoholic brother living with the mom. There's little to be done in this situation. Not everything can be fixed. You just sit and wait the call about someone "down". I am so sorry. DO discuss with APS. You will feel better. You can simply tell them to expect a call from a "Social Worker" to see how they are doing, what they might need, because they will KNOW you were the one who reported.
If no one is the PoA for your brother or Mother then you have very little power in this situation other than to report your brother to APS.
It's possible he now has Wernicke-Korsakoff dementia (aka "wet brain"), which is specific to alcoholics because essential vitamins cannot be absorbed due to the alcohol consumption. Unless it is caught in time and he voluntarily stops drinking and takes the vitamins, it is a progressive disease, like all dementias.
You will need to make a decision: you can leave the situation as it is and watch the trainwreck from the sidelines or you can report him to APS and hope that he is removed from the house. You will need to have a plan for your Mom because if you don't, she may also be removed if no one is her PoA.
The thing to do first is get your Mom to a certified elder law attorney to hopefully assign a PoA. The attorney is the one who will assess her legal capacity, and the bar is pretty low, so don't make any assumptions whether you think she's capable or not.
Once this is in place, take her for her free annual Medicare wellness exam and discretely request she be given a cognitive and memory test. Depending on the results, it will help trigger the PoA authority.
Then you call APS on your brother and make sure to be at the house to advocate for your Mom.