My family seems to think because I have POA that all the duties regarding my Mom are mine. Including talking to her and visiting her. I work full time and spend my two days off caring for her appointments and bills and much, much more. I live in Seattle and she in Ca. It's as if they are irritated that someone was put in charge even though one of us had to be. My Mom trusts me and that is why she must have put me in charge of her finances and medical decisions, but should I be taking on all the responsibility, I am getting very burned out.
You are not obligated to do anything else. Visiting, scheduling and taking her to appointments, and any other services you may provide are not part of the agreement.
If funds are available, you may want to consider taking payment for services being provided "above and beyond love and affection".
As POA you can establish a contract for mom with you to provide care taking services.
Once the sibs catch wind of this they may change their minds about pitching in.
It is a shame they won't help otherwise.
Decide what you want to/can do over and above your POA duties. Tell your family what that is. Pay for other services out of your mother's income or assets.
There are literally at least a hundred threads on here on this same topic. We're all in the same boat. The only good thing is there is an equal number of siblings where one is doing all of the work and the others are there to criticize and complain about everything they do. So I'm at least grateful that my brother doesn't second guess what I do for our mom. That's my silver lining.
Good luck, and try to get a little outside help, even if you have to pay, if you can afford it. Take care of yourself. Remember is something happens to you-stress, illness-you come first.
Loha19
Just one thought, not intended as criticism. All of us, including me, expect others to read our minds. We expect people to see what needs to be done, and to offer to do it. Our families can't read our minds. Have you tried asking each relative to do a specific task for your mother? To call once a week? To renew her Handicap parking placard? If they have made it clear that they have no desire to help, or if I misunderstand the situation, please ignore my comments. But if they are generally decent folk, let them know that you are feeling burdened, and ask for an offer or request a favor from each one.
PLEASE don't be surprised and angry if they decline, but try again in a few months after guilt has had a chance to soften their hearts. If you can be tactful in your requests, I hope you can get some help, which you deserve.
Never put all your eggs in one basket. Amen to that.
My brother has POA, Healthcare power of attorney, he is executor of mom's will, on her checks and basically calls all shots. He is an arrogant jerk as well. When she becomes ill or incapacitated in any way, he will call me to do the dirty work. I am sorry but I have been lied about, left out and treated as if I were a dunderhead. So don't call.
Maybe you should talk to your siblings about their behavior and what is exactly behind their lack of involvement. There may be more than meets the eye. Maybe they feel left out as I do with my brother and mother. Kindness goes along way in smoothing over hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
And if it is a situation where only one child can be trusted with such a burden, well, I am sorry that is the case.
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