He is doing stuff like his older sister used to do - it drove her family nuts. He will complain about all these symptoms, and how awful he feels, and he needs to see the doctor SOON .... Then when the doctor comes in, or the nurse calls, he will just mention some minor problem or even tell them he 'feels pretty good.'
Then we end up feeling like fools when they don't understand why the urgent visit.
In the ER, a few months ago, the doctor wanted to put him in a nursing home, and we don't know whether he over heard, and is afraid to tell the doctor how bad he feels, or what is going on. Getting to the point where I don't want to take him to the doctor - very embarrassing.
Mostly I think my mother's symptoms are because she dwells on herself. She can turn a bump on her skin into something awful. A spot becomes a predictor of terrible things to come. I know that it is sad, because she does have many problems. I'm sympathetic with myself, though. After listening to a list of symptoms every day for many years, I don't hear them anymore. She'll say she needs to see a doctor. I'll ask her why, and she'll say something that can be seen to at home. What I do is watch her for things out of the normal, then make extra doctor appointments when I think she needs them.
I have a feeling that you feel like I do when your dad talks about how bad he feels. It is very wearing. It feels like we should do something to make it better, but usually there's nothing we can do.
I am trying to take two parents to doctor appointments, so that means every week there are at least two appointments to various specialists. I have had to cancel my own medical appointments sometimes to take them.
My brother has also taken him to the doctor and my dad will tell the doctor that he is 'doing ok.' I do send notes with other family members, and I think that it helps. They will not ask questions like I do.
When I go, I will shake my head yes or no, or just butt in and tell the doctor. My brother will not do this. In fact he often just drops him off afterwards, and I don't even know what happened at the appointment. When I ask my father, he says 'nothing - they don't do anything, anyway.'
So today he was complaining about how awful he felt - I finally got someone on the phone and they called back.... I told them I would let HIM tell them how he felt ( since I don't know what hurts) and he didn't even tell them how he cannot eat without his stomach hurting. They did call in medicine - hopefully the right ones...
(Now I'm expected to be a mind reader, too?)
a. Sit behind him so I can nod, shake my head, or scowl questioningly when the answers aren't exactly on point, or
b. Call before the appointment and privately brief the doctor's PA or one of the secretaries or nurses. Then the doctor raises the issue.
And I encourage daddy by saying, Daddy, you have to be an advocate for yourself when it comes to healthcare. We have to speak out. I try to impress upon him that we all have to accurately report our symptoms and insist on followup with the doctor. I have also called the nurse and directed a call to the doctor about something that I thought he needed to know.
Of course, if someone has dementia these things won't help at all.
If your father denies problems and you're sitting there, you can chime in, "But dad, what about when you said x,y, and z two days ago?" A lot of elders "showtime" at the doctor's office and want to downplay (or they just forget) symptoms. My mom does that all of the time. But with her cognitive abilities, she simply can't remember that two days ago she had a major nose bleed. So you need to help your father get his true story to the doctor. Good luck!