My father is 87 and I visit every day, bring in his mail, etc. He's positive and motivated to do his physical therapy for recovery of a broken hip. But he doesn't want me to lift a finger or to get anyone else to help. He needs someone to clean the floors. I'm allowed to do a 5- minute vacuum once in a while, but he absolutely hated it when I wanted to "just wipe up a little something here because my shoe stuck to the floor yesterday..." That's what I said to get him to allow me to clean the kitchen floor after 3 months. He insisted that I not do that. It's a tiny little apartment kitchen floor, you just need a washcloth. God forbid I should even mention the bathroom floor. he insists he'll do everything himself. He doesn't want anyone in the place because of past theft by a caregiver for our mom now deceased. So, how bad does this get before he allows someone in there!!!
He was still resistant until he saw me take 6 hours to clean his glass top stove and oven. He realized it was dirtier than he thought.
Now, if someone had offered me a cleaning service, I would be at the front door letting everyone in, and later serving tea to the crew in my Royal Dalton with the blue painted periwinkles.
Sometimes we just need to pick our battles.
Truth is, if they accept a bit of housekeeping and other help early, they actually delay the need or eligibility for nursing care. Most communities have services for seniors depending on their income and level of difficulty doing tasks. Dad may qualify for a weekly homemaker to assist him in remaining in independent living. I would check with the local Area Agency on Aging.
I know it's a hard sell but the key is nice and tidy AT HOME for as long as possible.
Most of all, to your point that accepting help does delay the need/eligibility for a nursing facility: This is a good thing I needed to hear. This might be a good approach with him.
Thank you.