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I moved in with my parents to take care of my mom (87)my dad is 92 and can’t do everything.BUT I’m seeing that HE has terrible hygiene.He has several very loose BMs a day and leaves the toilet (and sometimes the floor) a mess. He refuses to wash his hands or even use hand sanitizer. I put soap, towel on the sink and he pushes it to the back of the vanity!!when I politely remind him to wash his hands or use the hand sanitizer he flies off in a rage.PS my mom has been on antibiotics for YEARS because of bacterial infection of the knee…. which dad was changing dressings on open wounds.Now the knee has been replaced and she has a PICC line that I use for IV infusion at home

I agree that your Dad may be in moderate dementia. His behaviors and uncooperativeness will get worse, his care needs will increase. He can no longer change, only you can change. You will need to decide if you wish to be his his in-home, hands-on caregiver alone. If he has the funds, you can pay for an aid. Or, you may need to consider a facility.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Its sound like Dad has some cognitive problems.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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This is a very unsafe situation.
Your father has passed to a stage where he cannot any longer have ANYTHING to do with caring for anything like an IV access. He could easily KILL your Mom.

Your Dad now needs to be placed in care for the health and safety of all.
This is a matter of mental instability if Dad cannot handle these things safely and cannot understand that his hygiene may literally kill his wife with a sepsis.
This is unsafe, and now a matter for intervention, diagnosis and placement, so we are down to the POA, whoever that is, or guardianship.

You say little about any diagnosis, prognosis, interventions, POAs, and etc. So I would encourage you to firstly accept that your mom's life is in immediate danger.

If you must, call APS to get things started here. They will open a case and get things moving pretty quickly. Either Mom or Dad needs placement for safety ASAP. It may be easier to place mom in care while she requires IV access than Dad. Speak with her doctor about sepsis and the danger she's in.
Good luck and hope you will update.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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KMcG22 Jan 9, 2025
Dad refuses to let anyone go to doctors appointments with him.
So no diagnosis for him.
FINALLY got mom on proper medications for anxiety and depression several months ago when my sister and I took care of her after her surgery.
Dad refuses to allow me to go to his appointments to discuss his anger even though he has seen amazing improvement in my mom!!
He has a lot of money but won’t spend it AND it’s an argument every time we do the grocery list or purchase moms protein drinks!!!!!!!!!
I want to take care of my mom and she is cooperating with doctors orders but I’m struggling with my dad. Mom tells me not to argue with him and don’t tell him anything because he doesn’t listen.
i can’t force him to do anything including washing his hands!! I don’t know what to do.
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