He is awake at night 2 or 3am. I'm worried he sleeps too much in the day. He has nothing to do or any interest in anyone or anything. He complains that he never sees me and yes I am busy but whenever I am there he says he is going to lie down or in some cases is already in bed. I can't talk to him. We don't get on. He is miserable and depressed. A hoarder too. It's driving me nuts. He has a carer and meals on wheels but it seems like he won't do anything except sleep. I read somewhere that they do this in the last stages of dementia. Does that mean he could die soon?
https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/aboutdementia/facts/stages/
Bear in mind that it's not always 'dementia' that ends a person's life; it can be a stroke or heart failure or something else. My aunt was 97 when dementia finally took her life, after living with it for 15 years. We have a wonderful 97 year old woman at the memory care community I work at who's in the late stages of dementia now, who's been admitted to the hospital for gallstones. The doctor will not operate on her, due to her age, so he feels she will pass away from this condition in the very near future, rather than the dementia she's been plagued with for years.
Not sure what you can 'do' about someone who refuses to 'do' anything about his situation! That's the sad part, right?
Best of luck as you navigate this difficult road with a difficult father.
Since he doesn't seem to treasure your visits much of the time, you might start visiting a little less, and only when convenient for you. You can commiserate with him by agreeing that *whatever* is too bad, and just let his complaints that he never sees you wash over you and away. He's really complaining about not having his life the way it used to be, and that is depressing for him. He's complaining to the person who is there for him, and we have all seen this before, that the patient (with or without dementia) sometimes lashes out at the one person who they know will always be there for them. It doesn't make much sense, but that's what usually happens.
Just go see him when you can, and when you will be as relaxed as possible. Perhaps bring him a treat every time, something small that he likes to eat, or a book, or something pertaining to whatever he likes to do. If he's tired and wants to go lay down, then just tell him you'll see him soon and leave, knowing that you're doing the best you can for him, and that you can't make him do anything, including making him happy.
He's still working FT, but he will stay up till all hours watching TV and playing on the computer or fighting with people on FB. He wants his "space" and this ensures he gets it!
You can't do ANYTHING to change him. I'm sorry. He sounds perfectly 'happy' and from experience, trying to talk this out is pointless and you wind up upset and the 'problem' hasn't been resolved.
The depression angle could defintitely be approached, DH takes an AD (not on the reg, which kind of makes me crazy, but, again, what can I do?) The AD really did help him--he's just a contrary person.
I'm learning from hard experience that you cannot change people if they don't want to change. Your dad has food, shelter and care. It's sad that he chooses to also be miserable.
He may be depressed take him to his doctor have a full med exam performed and go from there.