I need advice and input from you all.
I am in GA instead of back in TN caring for my aunt & uncle where I'm supposed to be. Came down to visit, in a panic mode the whole trip. Now I cannot even drive back. It has been building up, this stress, anxiety & the whole 9 yards. Cousin is somewhat watching her parents while I am gone but hates it. She is pressuring me to come back & is willing to drive down with her daughter to get me & one of them can drive uncle's truck I borrowed to come here. I feel like I have had a mental meltdown. Again, I have felt the signs coming on. Even though things here with my sons are far less than ideal I cannot see myself going back to take care of them. Both have AZ/dementia. I have long had problems with depression & anxiety. I don't know what to do. I called a mental health place the other day but lack the energy to follow through. Just thinking about how to get my own truck down here which needs work, things out of storage unit there to here & no place to put them. I am in such a state I am no good to anyone.
Make a plan, call it Plan A, you would go back to your Aunt and Uncle if this, and this, and this were put into place. Such as another Caregiver, and two days off during the week. Cousins would have to agree in writing.
If that doesn't fly, write out Plan B, with a different list of what you would do for your Aunt and Uncle. Again the Cousins would have to agree in writing.
Then there is Plan C... as in cee ya... you are moving out of the area.
Certainly repeat to your cousin that you cannot come back and stay. Sounds like you are an easy out for her - meaning she is putting the responsibility of her parents on your back and that is not right for any one. To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she thought this was a good arrangement for everyone. You do need to make it very clear that it does not work for you.
Are you under a doctor's care for your anxiety and depression? That seems like one of the first things you need, and then support to get disability, find housing, what ever other support you can get. I am so glad that you are recognising that you cannot do this anymore, and looking after yourself. Caring for 2 demented people is a huge job for anyone, and an impossible job for someone with your issues. Well done!!!
http://dhs.georgia.gov/
Look, Fix Your Stuff FIRST. THEY seem to figure, if ya don't have a Home, Are LUCKY To Be Allowed To Care For THEM...The NoWhereElse To Go Attitude...
STAND, In Dept Of SS. SAY, I Do NOT Have A Place To GO...*IF* You owe money on your storage unit before they'll give you your things, try a church...Heck, I'd even say a Loan Shark...lol...ASK For A Motel Room if ya have to....Pile Your Stuff In There..........THEN, ASK For Help Finding A Job. Permanent Housing. Talking to Social Services about Them Doesn't Do YOU ANY Good....The Worry The Problem blahblahblah... YOU SAY Help, For YOU...Focus...Make The Calls
Sounds like you are totally burnt out from caring for your aunt and uncle who BOTH have Alzheimer's/dementia. From what I have read on these forums it's hard enough caring just for one person with memory issues, I couldn't imagine caring for two.
Could your sons help you get your truck and help you get your things out of storage and placed in storage in GA until you get your own place.... could you stay with one of your sons short-term until the dust settles and you can get back on your feet?
Maybe you can get disability payments for awhile. Or you go to work for a caregiving agency since you have a lot of experience, and get paid for your work with their clients which would be easier than dealing with cousins who didn't want the responsibility of caring for their own parents or for putting their parents into a continuing care facility.
I know there is a lot to think about. Eventually you will work it out. Keep coming back here to the forum to see if you can get new ideas and *ah ha* moments that will help :)
I have reoccurring panic disorder. Fortunately I haven't had a major bout of it in over 25 years (knock wood). What helped me get better when I was having a bout of it were antidepressants and Xanax. I never got addicted to the Xanax and it certainly did help me hold my life together as I got better. Doctors can be so stingy with the Xanax now, which is a shame. It is the drug of choice for panic disorder. Used correctly, it does not become a problem.
I also made myself get out every day doing normal things. I would make myself drive -- not long trips, just things around town. I would go for walks, even when I had fog all in my head. And I would eat well. My panic was worse when I had gone for a while without eating. And I learned that water is a great medicine. When anxiety would grow, I would drink a little. Somehow the swallowing of the liquid calmed me. I don't know why. I still have a bottle of water with me when I go somewhere. It is like a little security blanket.
I wouldn't go back to TN to take care of your aunt & uncle right now. The last thing you need is the responsibilities and confinement that comes with dementia care. I do wish you could get to a place that you feel is home so you can work on your recovery.
An important thing to remember is that panic is self limiting. You may feel like you're going to die or have a heart attack, but you won't. Even a full-blown attack crests, then goes back down.
One of the things I hated most about panic disorder was the brain fog and visual distortion. The medications and making myself do things in spite of it helped with that. You do have to take the time for recovery. If your cousin does not understand, then she is expecting way too much from you.
Big hugs from Alabama.