Just found this site today, not even sure if this post will end up in the right place lol. IT WILL BE LONG. Sorry. Just looking for others who are going through something similar to my situation. I’m 31 , only child, and have been caring for my father for the last 2 years or so. We never have been close, as my parents divorced when I was 3. It all started going downhill in 2012 when he overdosed on drugs to which I had no idea he was even doing.....
from there he obviously had issues but I still kept my distance and was able to enjoy my life. Flash forward to 2017 I had him stay with my husband and I (for one he was so far gone on drugs and drinking) to get his hip replaced, every since then he’s been with us. Dr appointments after dr appointments. I’m his nurse I feel like. He’s legally blind, an addict, depression, and has had mini strokes so he’s not in the best health.... but I’m fortunate it’s not as bad RIGHT NOW as some of you are having to go through. Basically what I’m struggling with is finding him a place to live, selling his house.... realizing he has no friends here... I’m his only means of transportation and dr appointments... and I have to worry when he is no longer under my roof... him drinking or doing drugs again. My whole last 3 years have been caring for him and only him. My poor husband is about to go crazy but has been so understanding, I’m fortunate. Will this ever get better? My life use to be so carefree and fun and I feel like it never will be the same. I really have no choice if he goes back to his town he will just die due to drugs and not taking care of himself. My husband and I never even got to enjoy being newly weds ... or have a honeymoon cause of all of this. I’ll never be able to leave town and not worry if he has groceries or lonely ...feeling like I need to be there constantly to check on him. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. Help!
First priority is to your marriage. Having your dad there is a drain on it. So far your hubby sounds like a saint, but for how much longer can you burn the candle on both ends for both he and your dad? Good comments below about looking into VA, Medicaid, etc. Maybe dad even becomes a ward of the state. Doesn't mean you don't care about him, just means you're a realist and love your husband and life and have correct priorities. You are not responsible for your dad's happiness. Get him settled elsewhere and move on together with your DH.
Best of luck!
Will any outcome you would be content with be possible unless your father decides for himself to head in that direction?
Put him in touch with a support team, then back away. It isn't just that you don't owe him anything. It's that you can give him everything you have, and it still won't be enough if he won't do it for himself. You have to recognise the limits of what's possible.
I would ask why you feel so personally responsible for your father's welfare, but I expect the answer would be extremely complicated, plus I doubt if you have figured it out accurately yourself. Are you getting any counselling or support from a therapist on that point? It wouldn't be a bad idea.
Your husband is a keeper, though. You were going through all this and he still married you? I'm not sure we on the forum would have recommended he do that! But I'm glad for you that he stuck to the plan.
Feel better, this will all be okay. Keep in touch.