Just feeling so blah these days and I’m wondering who else can relate. My dad’s cognition went downhill very rapidly recently (widow, living alone, total isolationist in nature always which isn’t helping the situation) and I had to move him to a skilled nursing facility. It’s been so much to deal with all at once, as an only child with no family, living far away, always feeling overwhelmed and “on edge” feeling like I have so much to take care of all of a sudden that are like these monumental life decisions for my dad. This “fight or flight” mode was keeping me going for the past several months, but now I’m entering this phase where everything is just monotonous and exhausting and sad. All I do when I sleep is ruminate over the situation and decisions to be made and I’m not getting any rest. Literally feel like there is nothing to look forward to in my own personal life, things that used to motivate me in my own life aren’t interesting me, don’t have any interest in spending time with any particular friends or family or doing any of the things that I usually love to do, just feel nothing but deep depression 24/7 now marked by waves of anger. I honestly don’t know how people get through these times. I know people have it so much worse I’m just personally struggling and needed to get it out there. Where I’ve been able to muscle through everything for the past few months, and feel the gratitude for things I do have in my life, I feel like I am now hitting this wall where I can’t find joy in anything in life and it’s scaring me. Watching all my dad worked for his whole life just disappearing before his eyes in the matter of months, watching this person I talked on the phone with every day disappear and he’s literally all I have left for family in my life, then thinking about my own future and realizing how much less farther money takes you these days, it all just feels so worthless and hopeless like what is to become of those of us who won’t have much of anything saved for retirement? Feels like climbing a mountain that you’ll never be able to reach the summit of. Hard to have hope for the future between all the negativity going on in the news these days and having to watch a loved one decline like this. Sorry, I just needed to vent. Friends are sympathetic but none of mine have yet to have to go through this in their own lives so I’m basically everyone’s guinea pig and I feel like people are just using me for information for their own personal gain once I’ve spent the money and dedicated the time to researching and meeting with elder law attorney etc. while they go on vacations and enjoy their lives and the only time they really reach out is to ask their own questions about the topic so that they don’t get stuck in the position I now find myself in. Wondering if anyone else can relate here. Thanks for listening and being kind.
One of the things your dad worked for in his life is you, to give you a good upbringing and a happy life. He would want you to regain your physical and mental health, happiness, and a sense of peace. I know it seems at times like an impossible climb, but you can do it not only for yourself, but for him.
Start by taking comfort that you have gotten your dad into a SAFE place where his needs are being met. Even though it's not what he or you envisioned, it's what he needs. So be at peace about that.
Get a doctor's appointment as soon as possible, and consider starting on an antidepressant., and something to help you sleep. You may only need them for a short time to get back on track. Find a therapist and/or a support group. You can call the senior facilities near you and ask if they have support groups. Often they're open to anyone, not just families of the residents. All of these things -- doctor, therapist, support groups -- are available online if you need to go that route. It seems hard, but just start. Think of all you managed to get done over the past several months. You're capable. You can do this.