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Hi All. I’m caring for my 82 year old Mother, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia. The signs have been there for a few years, but in December of last year(2024), the sign were more noticeable. So here I sit, I left my home, my husband (we were in agreement) in Texas to come back to Louisiana. My husband is my biggest supporter. I have 4 siblings but they all live away as well. It’s hard to leave the house because the doctor stated my mom cannot be by herself, and she doesn’t want to do activities, go out for walks, etc. I feel stuck. I pray for Gods Grace each day.. but I’m so overwhelmed. Any suggestions? Thank you☀️

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What are your long term plans with this situation? Ok, you left to take care of her...but for how long? What is your hard stop date? You do understand this could go on for YEARS? I'd be concerned if your husband was still supportive of that.

You had good intentions coming to mom but you need a plan. Just sitting there waiting to react to things is not a plan.
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You have a few options.
Few thoughts first.
Caring for someone with dementia is no walk in the park. It does not get easier.
This a 24/7 job that gets m ore difficult as time goes on.


Place mom in a MC facility where she currently lives.
She will be safe and cared for 24/7.
With this option you are able to return to your husband, your life. Unless you want to remain away from your home for 3 years, 5 years, or ?

Bring her to your home and care for her there. (not a great option by the way)

Bring her back to where you live and place her in Memory Care there. You can see her, but still be a part of your family. (better option by the way)

Should I ask who is POA?
If mom has a house the house should be sold to pay for her care.
If mom has no assets apply for Medicaid.
Look for other ways that will help with her care.
Senior Center may have Adult Day Programs. They may have Grants or other programs that can help pay for caregivers.
If mom is a Veteran or if her husband was the VA may have programs that might help. (If her husband was a Veteran and she did not remarry she may qualify for Aid and Attendance that might help.
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Why is your mother in control of your life?

Why did you do this to yourself?

You do know she could live to 109 right?

So this is your life now? I guess you are overwhelmed. You left your life behind for this never ending Groundhog Day.

What do you plan to do about that?
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How can your husband be supportive of you moving out of your home to care for your mother and leaving him alone? My husband would not support that in a million years beca use our marriage comes first, as it should.

My mother lived to 95 with dementia, and with Alzheimer's, her sister lived to 97. Are you prepared to abandon your marriage for what could amount to 15 years? And give up your life in the process?

Don't stand on what it says in the bible to keep doing this caregiving. Honoring your mother means you see to it she's safe and cared for, which means by a team of people in Memory Care Assisted Living or the like, not only by you. Your siblings are all living their lives, so should YOU.

Good luck making the decision to take your life back.
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Bulldog54321 Apr 23, 2025
My friend got caught up in taking care of her mom with the support of her husband.

Guess who had an affair with his high school sweetheart while she was gone? (And they are still dating)
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You're only stuck if you are unwilling to consider other solutions such as relocating her to a good facility near your home in Texas. Of course she won't like this because her brain is broken and no longer can use reason and logic, or conjure up empathy for your situation. ALZ now makes this impossible for her. Hopefully one of you 4 is her PoA. If so, that person needs to know that with a formal diagnosis the PoA authority is now active and they can now make decisions in her best interests without her consent or buy-in. But caregiving is on the caregiver's terms because anything less means that person will burn out. If any of the siblings does not like the plan to relocate her to a facility near you or the PoA then you should suggest your Mom go live with them. Also, please work with your Mom's doctor to get her on meds for mood and anxiety so that making a big move like that (which will surely be hard on her) will help her to move through it with less distress. Another option is to have her live with you and she pays for in-home companion aids so that you aren't doing all the work and entertaining. If your Mom doesn't currently have a PoA I would take her to an elder law attorney to see if she still has capacity to create one. Don't assume she can't: the bar is low for this. Even if your husband was in agreement back then, he won't be for long as your Mom's needs increase as well as your burnout. He is your priority, not your Mom. This doesn't mean you don't love your Mom, it just means that the solution is one that keeps your husband and marriage as the priority, and your Mom's care plan needs to defer to it. I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you make decisions.
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Please take care of yourself. You are a kind and loving daughter to try and help your Mom and fortunate to have a husband who is supportive. However, the situation you are in sounds very difficult and I think it will ultimately affect your overall health. You need to get someone in to help and give you some time away for yourself. You should reach out to your siblings - even if they are far away, they should hopefully be able to offer some form of support. She is their mother too! It sounds like she is at the point where she will need to be in an assisted living facility or nursing home. My heart goes out to you. Caregiving is hard, even when we do it out of love, it is still hard.
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Bulldog54321 Apr 23, 2025
Yes, she is their mother too but given mom is 84, siblings are likely in their 60s with who knows how many health issues.
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Of course you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’ve left your life behind entirely and are now far too isolated. Is this life what your mother, if healthy and whole, would want for you? Trying to keep this up as it is will cause suffering in your marriage, health, and relationships. I hope you’ll consider a new plan that balances mom’s needs with your own
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Count the cost, Jesus said. You've put yourself in a situation without an end date and no 'boots on the ground' assistance. It's not sustainable.
See what services are available through your local aging office.
Find a caregiver support group.

Your heart's in the right place, determined to honor your parent. You need more info to make good decisions that benefit you, your marriage, and Mom.
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