Hi All. I’m caring for my 82 year old Mother, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s dementia. The signs have been there for a few years, but in December of last year(2024), the sign were more noticeable. So here I sit, I left my home, my husband (we were in agreement) in Texas to come back to Louisiana. My husband is my biggest supporter. I have 4 siblings but they all live away as well. It’s hard to leave the house because the doctor stated my mom cannot be by herself, and she doesn’t want to do activities, go out for walks, etc. I feel stuck. I pray for Gods Grace each day.. but I’m so overwhelmed. Any suggestions? Thank you☀️
You had good intentions coming to mom but you need a plan. Just sitting there waiting to react to things is not a plan.
Few thoughts first.
Caring for someone with dementia is no walk in the park. It does not get easier.
This a 24/7 job that gets m ore difficult as time goes on.
Place mom in a MC facility where she currently lives.
She will be safe and cared for 24/7.
With this option you are able to return to your husband, your life. Unless you want to remain away from your home for 3 years, 5 years, or ?
Bring her to your home and care for her there. (not a great option by the way)
Bring her back to where you live and place her in Memory Care there. You can see her, but still be a part of your family. (better option by the way)
Should I ask who is POA?
If mom has a house the house should be sold to pay for her care.
If mom has no assets apply for Medicaid.
Look for other ways that will help with her care.
Senior Center may have Adult Day Programs. They may have Grants or other programs that can help pay for caregivers.
If mom is a Veteran or if her husband was the VA may have programs that might help. (If her husband was a Veteran and she did not remarry she may qualify for Aid and Attendance that might help.
Why did you do this to yourself?
You do know she could live to 109 right?
So this is your life now? I guess you are overwhelmed. You left your life behind for this never ending Groundhog Day.
What do you plan to do about that?
My mother lived to 95 with dementia, and with Alzheimer's, her sister lived to 97. Are you prepared to abandon your marriage for what could amount to 15 years? And give up your life in the process?
Don't stand on what it says in the bible to keep doing this caregiving. Honoring your mother means you see to it she's safe and cared for, which means by a team of people in Memory Care Assisted Living or the like, not only by you. Your siblings are all living their lives, so should YOU.
Good luck making the decision to take your life back.
Guess who had an affair with his high school sweetheart while she was gone? (And they are still dating)
See what services are available through your local aging office.
Find a caregiver support group.
Your heart's in the right place, determined to honor your parent. You need more info to make good decisions that benefit you, your marriage, and Mom.