Caring for Mom, seeing the things she does and says and the way she behaves has given me a terrible dread for my own old age. When something like this is in your face day after day, does anyone else feel concerned and dread of the future for yourself? Mom has always been difficult, but now she is a total stranger, a person none of us want to be around. As I watched her become like this over the years, and especially now that she has full blown dementia, I'm starting to analyze myself, worry about every time I forget something and wonder "Is it starting for me? Will I be like her? Will I lose control, will my family not want to be around me?" I never thought much about old age until now. I always knew I would eventually lose my hearing, that I can deal with and get help. But the dementia, when it is right in front of you constantly it becomes a dreadful reminder of the future to come.
But I am learning from my parents on what not to do... like trying to live in a single family home with two sets of stairs that they barely can maneuver, and now depending on me for driving. My plans is for me to move into a retirement community that offers the residents transportation service... that way I would still be in control and not having to wait for a relative to take me somewhere.
Also, I have already updated my Will, Trust, POA's, so no last minute panic like I had with my parents [93 and 97] who this past Monday finally signed new legal paperwork, to get rid of a prior Will that had numerous family names but all who have since departed.
I've tried so hard to find programs for Mom and they're just scarce. She's really alone in it, despite my help, because I can't really understand fully since I'm not going through the same thing, myself. When I'm her age and going through it, I'll feel alone and scared just as she does.
Right now, I find that scary and depressing. It's sad that I know that that's what I'm looking to the future for and that there doesn't seem to be any way to change it.
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