Where to find a companion for my Mom while she is in the nursing facility?
Hello,
My Mother of 69 yrs. has been released to a skilled nursing faciltiy for rehab from a stroke and brain seizures.
She has been in and out of the hospital since she had a gastric sleeve done back in November of 2013. 10 times, to be exact.
I am the oldest of four kids and have had to take on the role of all four of us to due the fact the one lives out of state and the other two are just "too busy" to even call her.
I have been there for her everyday that she was and is in the hospital, but I have had to miss a lot of work to be able to do so.
My Mom has always been a loner and has no friends nor is she involved in a church.
My question is, who or what services are available for her to have a companion sit with her for a few hours a day while she is in the nursing faciltiy that does not cost any money?
She is extremely lonely and has expressed to me that she wants me to be there with her everyday.
Are there volunteer services out there or churches that offer such a service at no charge?
Thanks so much.
11 Answers
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It is very kind of you to want to provide company for your mother, and I hope you can find something that will help. But be realistic about what she really would benefit from as opposed to what she thinks she wants.
If Mom is an introvert by nature and has not placed high value on social interactions throughout her life, that may not really change much now. Isolation is not healthy, but if she is among others in the dining room and interacts with therapists of various specialties, I would not be too concerned about that at this point.
Visit when you can do so conveniently. Do NOT put your job at risk. Do not establish a pattern where you mother is totally dependent on you for entertainment. She may have another 30 years to entertain herself. She might as well start now.
As soon as I would sit down to visit with my Mother, she would want me to take over care giver. She was fine, when I wasn't there.
Visiting once a week and dropping in, unannounced is fine. But, sitting there 6 hours a day, wasn't helping my mother.
$15.00 an hour is the going rate for a sitter, with the elderly. I think if you encourage the nurses aids to wheel her to the activities, she might enjoy them and get company from the other residents.
I will prob. have this "friendly companion" just come and talk with mom, get her to join social activities that she is interested in (cooking, crafts, gardening), take a light stroll on the facility grounds on nice days, and maybe ask mom to teach her things that mom is good at (crafts, sewing, etc.). Mom loves teaching and she becomes a different person when in that mode.
Since mom's Assisted Living facility provides cleaning, laundry, etc., I wouldn't need the helper for that, but I heard that they do help w/ light housework.
We had to place my 88-y/o mom (early stage dementia, just widowed 18 months ago) in Assisted Living recently. Mom is very shy and not one to join activities herself. I work full time, so while I do have her on weekends at my place and visit her 1-2 nights weekly after work, I hate that she sits in her room all day long, either reading or sleeping (mostly sleeping). Especially since her facility has many social activities.
I also suspect it's prob. making her dementia worse, sitting alone all day, not activily engaging with other people. So I asked the facility where she is, if there are any volunteers or services for a "friendly companion." I struck out. Next, I called the local county department of aging. They referred me to a local church that has social ministry. This place does have a roster of church members who go and sit with someone for a 3 hour minimum, and can do anything from light cleaning to just talking, playing games, reading, taking a light walk, etc. Unfortunately, it's a paid service, but not too bad ($15 hourly). If I hire someone to come visit mom 2 days a week, that should do it. Since mom is very shy and averse to strangers, I'll prob. pretend this person is a friend or former coworker of mine, who "happens" to be working in the area. Then, after a lunch or 2 with the 3 of us, this person can pretend to drop by. to visit mom and see how she is doing. I will never tell mom I'm paying for these visits. I feel it will not help her ego or her dignity.
If finances are tight, you can probably hunt around a bit more and find some kind of volunteer services. I would check w/ the local hospital, elderly services, schools, churches, etc. I think it's a great idea, it gives you relief and peace and will prob. make your mom happy. Good luck!
She's being cared. That's what is important.
Ask family to visit and visit as your schedule permits.
If mom has never cultivated friends, you cannot create them as needed, sorry.
There is NO excuse for her kids to not call every day, goodness they can do that while the run chores. They just do not want to.
Give what you can, do not feel guilty that mom's relationship with her her other kids or the way they treat her is less than ideal, accept you cannot fill that gap. Just do the best you can without putting your own life needs pat risk.
Do you have friends or extended family members who might be willing to come for a few hours on a specific day? Make some calls and see what you can do. You Mom's reaction to having someone other than you stay with her will let you know whether she is lonely, or whether she wants YOU there. If she just wants to have you there, then you have a different issue than if you are dealing with loneliness.
Talk to the social director at the SNF and find out what activities they have and how your Mom can participate. It may help the time move along faster for her. That same person may know of other assistance that is available. Also talk to the local Senior Center and call nearby churches. They may have a program to fit your needs or will help direct you in the right way.
You also need to have a nose-to--nose meeting with your 2 local siblings or you will be the only one to help Mom from here on out. They need to do their share. If they are too busy then they need to help out by paying someone to visit Mom. Putting your job in jeopardy is not the answer.