The worst part of taking care of my 91 yr old mother for the last 16 years is that I cannot find love in my heart anymore. I gave up liking long ago. We always had a difficult relationship but after my brother and then father died, it was just us left, she had health problems and I have tried. My mother is so difficult. She was just transferred to a nursing facility yesterday for a short hospital stay. I had a massive migraine and was vomiting so my husband took her there. Of course he just took what was in the hospital room and dumped it. I went over there today with clothes I knew she'd need. I came into her room and immediately she said "what did you bring? Why those? I have 2 new sweaters." Blah blah. I need my recliner transferred here.."...on and on. I just left. On my way out, she said sarcastically, I hope your headache is better. Of course my husband came in for great praise. I don't want much. I don't even need thanks. Just not this constant criticism and complaint.How can I love her? I barely even feel compassion anymore
Perhaps the best you can hope for is to achieve a certain level of compassion, maybe the same compassion you'd feel for a stranger in your mother's circumstances. That's about where I am with my mother. If you can't even find that much, don't beat yourself up. Maybe you can find some satisfaction in being a dutiful family member who does what she can to give a failing elderly person a little better quality of life than she would otherwise have. That's where I am these days too. Loving someone who does nothing to deserve my love (and a lot to destroy it) is more than I can expect of myself.
I know I had a hard time convincing my parents that I was also a senior citizen with my own age decline, aches and pains, and health issues. It never registered with them [sigh].
As for hubby getting great praise, I saw my parents doing the same thing with my sig other even though I was doing twice as much :P