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Throughout all of this, for the past 2 months, along with sleeping most of the day, he has dreams that he truly believes are real, and he talks in his sleep. Some of the things he says are about me and are very hurtful. Is this part of depression, the depression meds, or, my real worry, that these are inner feelings he is letting out? Has anyone else had any experience with this type of behavior? I spend a lot of time crying about this, but am I crying for nothing or are these feelings he is finally "letting out"? We'll be married 50 years this year- what a terrible way to "celebrate"!

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My Dh suffers from depression, too. He takes meds and is mildly better, but keeps trying to go off of them, I always catch when he's gone a few days, he gets very mean.

We stopped sharing a bed years ago---as he needs to have 4 hours of TV before he can relax enough to sleep AND he needs to have the TV on all night. If I turn it off, he wakes right up and turns it back on. It's a distancing mechanism, for sure. He does not want me in 'his space' and so I respect that.

Looking for a new home for retirement. He will have a den that has a huge TV, a recliner and a bed in it. I will be in the TV-less master bedroom. Why I had to give up the expensive bed and large room just so I could get a night sleep b/c he cannot and will not sleep in a room w/o a TV is ridiculous. His therapist said he was avoiding intimacy--and yep, this did the job, for sure.
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DiPapp Jan 2020
I feel your pain, Midkid58! I bet you, like me, never thought you'd be going through something like this, right? I hope your new arrangement brings some peace.
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This is sad. So sorry you are struggling with this. Reach out to the doctor for some help. Sounds like you could use some insight on how to handle the situation.

Best wishes to you and I hope that your situation improves soon. Hugs!
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DiPapp Jan 2020
Thanks, Needhelp...I will give our doctor more info.
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No one is responsible for what they say or do when asleep. Realize that and deal with it more realistically. Don't be in the same room when he's sleeping. If you don't hear it, it can't hurt your feelings. Perhaps you are crying over your sense of what you are losing instead of what you think he might have held back for 50 years. You could probably benefit from counseling to deal with your reactions to the changes in life that you are experiencing. Take some steps that will benefit you. Best wishes.
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DiPapp Jan 2020
I think you're right, Vegaslady! On all points. He sleeps in a recliner in the den, and most nights he wakes me up to "talk about" OUR problems and why I keep walking away, don't answer him, etc.. I'm sleeping in the other room! We didn't have problems - had a very good marriage - until this. I am scared and sad that he won't recover from this.
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DiPapp, do you know what kind of dementia your husband has?

It might help if you talked to his doctor about these new symptoms; s/he may be able to reassure you or enlighten you about the source of these behaviors.

I feel your pain! If you've had a good marriage for 50 years, I would chalk this up to med interactions or maybe a UTI. But call his doc today to discuss!
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DiPapp Jan 2020
Hi BarbBrooklyn, He doesn't have dementia - it's depression and lack of sleep; although he does sleep most of the day! Dr. knows some of this about the dreams, but I haven't been specific about his acting them out. I'm going out have to give her more info on this, I guess. Thanks!
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