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Hi everyone,



Mostly I’m just venting because the issues I have dealt with in regards to my mother are just an amplified version of the same old stuff…



My mother who is in her late 60’s depends on a walker. She’s extremely unstable even when using the walker. I am concerned about falls, but she refuses all medical care. She has extreme anxiety/phobia of doctors and has not been to a doc in probably 15 years. She does not believe in “pills” but tells everyone around her about her psychic visions, talking with God, etc. (nothing new). Growing up, I struggled to understand what was real and fantasy due to her alleged “psychic powers.” I don’t know if she actually experiences hallucinations or is lying for attention. She never believed in “mental health” and sent me to shrinks as a kid because she felt I was the problem. I’m sure she’s depressed, and I think she may also be an alcoholic.


She has always had a mean, manipulative side, but it’s getting worse as she ages. She is rude to, and criticizes everyone around her, giving unsolicited advice on parenting, taking care of a home, career advice (though she never worked). If I try to stand up for myself, my Dad defends her fiercely. He is a great guy, but has enabled the crap out of her for years.

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You are not obligated morally, ethically or socially to be her caregiver or advocate or involved at all in the management of her affairs. You can contact social services for her county to report her as a vulnerable adult. When she gets "bad enough" they will move to acquire guardianship. They will place her in a facility where she will be protected and receive medical care and be with other people. They will take over all her affairs, but you can still carry on a relationship with her and visit her, etc. as much or as little as you wish, without the stress of trying to be her solution.

We had to do this with my stepFIL when he had Parkinsons and Lewy Body Dementia and could not longer take care of himself but wouldn't cooperate with others trying to advocate for him and manage his affairs. We were relieved to not have that daily poop show that it had turned into.

I wish you much peace in your heart!
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