My mother and me are taking care of my 88 year old grandfather who has Alzheimer's. He is such a sweet man and has never been aggressive in anyways (thank god). Its been so hard to take care of him. He has so much trouble following the most simplest of commands and is very frustrating at times. Our whole lives have been consumed with taking care of him and although we love him more than live itself we can't help but get very frustrated at times. The frustration leaves us feeling guilty and depressed. This is my first time posting anything since I just found this group. Please help me understand how we can. Cope with these feelings of dispear as this is starting to affect us physically, emotionally and mentally. We love him so much and hate that we have this feelings but we can't help it. It has been so much harder than we ever imagined it would be. We need some help and support from others. Please help us out. Thanks
We do need to get away from it at times for long breaks. That is one of those things that are easier said than done. Many elders don't want anyone to come in, and they refuse to go to a respite home, so we can end up stuck. If others are like me, they feel mean anytime they are trying to do for themselves. It is like how could we actually be so selfish as want a few days for ourselves.
Caring for a person with advanced dementia can indeed be frustrating. It is good that your mother is with you through this. Sharing the responsibilities make it so much easier.
For me, the feelings of sadness don't go away. It's hard watching someone you love deteriorate right in front of your eyes. It's literally an emotional roller coaster. You and your mothers feelings aren't unusual or anything to be ashamed of. Just try to remember that! I hope this helped some.
As Pam says, support groups are great for venting, learning and group support. Getting enough rest, exercise and healthy food is key. RESPITE is not a luxury, It's a necessity and Granddad's funds should pay for substitute caregivers.
Also, think about how to break tasks down into the smallest possible steps. It's not "brush your teeth". It's here's your toothbrush with the toothpaste on it. Hold it in your hand. Bring it up to your mouth while you look in the mirror. Touch the brush to your teeth and scrub up and down. Now you back teeth on the right. Folks with dementia often need curing to complete self care tasks like dressing, bathing. Can doctor order some OT so that you can see how it's done?
Since there are 2 of you maybe you can take turns getting away for several hours at a time.
Unfortunately, when we are caring for elderly loved ones we are often frustrated and depressed. You just have to read other stories on this site to know that. Since you're new I would suggest that you and your mom take some time to read about others situations. Knowing that you're not alone and that your feelings are normal might help.