These caretakers are all from one family, which at first seemed great. They could cover for each other But lately they have been scheduling 2 people at a time without prior authorization by me..who has POA.They say it takes 2 hours to give my mom a shower. YEA sure it does! My Aunt invited my parents over for dinner to get them out of the house so we could remove junk, etc and reconfigure surveillance cameras. They called my aunt instead of me to see first if they could change the time of her dinner, second to see if 2 caretakers could come instead of one because mom was so "difficult to manuver". Thus, we would be paying 2 caregivers for 4 hours ..even though there were going to be people there who could help move mom.. These caregivers would not return my calls....when I was trying to see who would be working that day. They were doing this all without my knowledge until my aunt called me because she thought I should know what they were up to. When I finaly got a return phone call they were very defensive, telling me how they do the best for my "folks", and in the end I felt they were trying to make me feel guilty about not giving them the extra help. No matter that they have already gone over the yearly budget for care....and all this money is going into thier families pockets. I have even contacted a former caregiver to help out, and they get very weird when I mention bringing her in to help once in a while.
when i called the 20 year old daughter and asked questions about if they were taking moms shoes off because she got a pressure sore which was turned into an ulcer....she started getting very challenging with me on the phone....saying "you would know you have cameras here..." As I told her I don't sit around all day watching them on camera....I watch my parents when they leave..to keep an eye on them as my mom has Alzheimers and dad is getting dementia. She was very disrespectful. She calls her mom who is hte leader of the group...instead of me. It is very worrisome. Any ideas?
Deb
Blessings,
Bridget
And by the way they are speaking to you, they have made the choice to be let go... if they talked to any other "boss" , in any other situation, like that, they would have been fired a long time ago....
what is going thru my mind is that people are sent to us to teach us, so possibly these so called caregivers are teaching you to be more assertive, that guilt is not love, and that your one and only concern is if your parents are not being taken advantage of......thier behaviour is wrong on many levels.... you deserve to be told the truth, to not be bullied by an outsider( or anyone for that matter), because that is what we are "outsiders", regardless of how attatched we may become to our charges......we are NOT family, we are NOT decision makers, we are there to attend to our charges needs, to answer to the family, not to be disresctful on any level for any reason.... If a caregiver thought they were being "mistreated" they would quit in a heart beat......
Courage doesn't mean we aren't anxious or nervous about taking an action, it means we do it anyway, and have faith we are doing the right things for the right reasons.....
I wish you a good outcome with all this, and am very sorry you have had this experiance with them, but they are not the "boss", you are..... hugs to you..
I know from experience that help is hard to find. But if I were in your shoes, I would find these folks a little too scary to be around my Mom. They are testing your limits and are finding lots of leeway. I would be worried too.
Fire 'em. Start fresh. Hire 2 or 3 caregivers from different sources. I draw up a simple contract and a list of duties. When I interview, I ask if there is anything that they are incapable or unwilling to do. That way, they cannot say that they did not know.
Not following your directions and giving your Mom the care she needs, and being disrespectful should send up a big 'ol red flag.
good luck
PS: do not share your "budget," your parent's finances, or any personal information with them, remove all valuables and important papers from your parent's home or buy a locking cabinet for them, and do not tell anyone that you have a "granny" cam...that is your security measure. Go through a professional agency that screens, or get references and do a background check yourself. I tend to hire older caregivers because they have more life and work experience.You may be avoiding a disaster here...things could have gotten much worse.