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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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shirley1957, so many times our parents want to keep their lifestyle but we need to change our own in order to help them.
Do you live with your parents? If yes, once you move in with your parents the dynamics change... you are once again the "child" and they are the "adults". They still view you as a kid, not realizing you need to work to build up your own retirement fund.
Sometimes we need to step back and stop enabling our parents. Start working more days. And if your parents need to have you do something, say "sorry, I just can't possibly do that" [practice saying in the mirror]. It won't be easy, your Dad will probably do the guilt dance.
Usually we have to wait for a medical emergency to happen before our parents realize they need to hire caregivers. Or downsize into senior living.
If the original idea was that you would live with them and pay half the expenses you already started off holding the sh***y end of the stick, since the two of them should have paid 2/3 to your 1/3. Is it that they have no money, or is it that they feel you owe them and won't untie the purse strings? If it is the latter you might present them with an invoice of the time spent on various tasks and what the cost would be to hire in outsiders. If they won't be moved you may want to step back and allow them to do without your free services, have the numbers ready for taxi services etc. Can you increase the number of days you work?
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Its always hard to talk to our parents. I know you love your parents and want to help them. Sounds like there is a lot on you right now.
Maybe check with a social worker or access some community supports and see what type of financial assistance is available to your dad. I know its hard. You are only working two days a week and I know the financial responsibilities escalate quickly.
Also considering talking to a counselor or joining a support group for caregivers. I never realized how many emotions there was going to be being my dad's full time caregiver. I wanted to be superwoman and do it all, but it was too much. I really wish I had found a better balance.
Take care of yourself the best you can. And I hope you can find the help you need. Thinking of you.
Is there some kind of cognitive decline with your dad? If so, he may never get on board or see how the money situation works with you providing care. If he is still competent, can you get a written contract for how the money, bills, work load is covered. Maybe, that would satisfy him. If not, I'm not sure you can make him understand. If he doesn't see the equity in how it's working, you might put him in contact with professionals to do these tasks and he can see what they would charge. If he has dementia, he's not going to get it. I'd work on distraction, comforting him, etc. I assume he's not still managing his own bills. So, how does he know who's paying what?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do you live with your parents? If yes, once you move in with your parents the dynamics change... you are once again the "child" and they are the "adults". They still view you as a kid, not realizing you need to work to build up your own retirement fund.
Sometimes we need to step back and stop enabling our parents. Start working more days. And if your parents need to have you do something, say "sorry, I just can't possibly do that" [practice saying in the mirror]. It won't be easy, your Dad will probably do the guilt dance.
Usually we have to wait for a medical emergency to happen before our parents realize they need to hire caregivers. Or downsize into senior living.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Its always hard to talk to our parents. I know you love your parents and want to help them. Sounds like there is a lot on you right now.
Maybe check with a social worker or access some community supports and see what type of financial assistance is available to your dad. I know its hard. You are only working two days a week and I know the financial responsibilities escalate quickly.
Also considering talking to a counselor or joining a support group for caregivers. I never realized how many emotions there was going to be being my dad's full time caregiver. I wanted to be superwoman and do it all, but it was too much. I really wish I had found a better balance.
Take care of yourself the best you can. And I hope you can find the help you need. Thinking of you.
If he has dementia, he's not going to get it. I'd work on distraction, comforting him, etc. I assume he's not still managing his own bills. So, how does he know who's paying what?