My son lives with my 78 yr old father, his grandfather. My son is dads total caregiver. Dad has vascular dimentia, leukemia, emphysia, congestive heart failure. Dad smokes like a woodstove. My son does everything for my dad. My dad wears depends 24/7 and does not want to change them. He is ruining the furniture. Everything has chucks or plastic on it. My dad says wet pants are comfortable and refuses to change them. I no longer know what to say to my son. My dad is using this as a control thing. Says he can control when he changes his pants no one else can. Also day after day he rewears sweat pants that have been soiled. Hes just being a brat. He laughs at us allthe time. He has stated under no circumstance does he want to go to a nursing home, but I don't really see much of an option. My son is about to go crazy. They live in Wisconsin. Dad was in Hospice but due to funding issues he was removed Jan 1, 2011. Someone with any ideas please help!!!!!
Me & my siblings kept telling her to stop worring about an inheritance for us....gosh...that money is for her.."when she needed it" which is NOW! That it would be just a great if, at her passing, she left us a million dollars or one single penny...as long as SHE is HAPPY, WELL cared for & worry free....just to simply LIVE!!!!! She loves it now! She has made so many friends, the staff are WONDERFUL, caring & so loving. She even found a "summer" romance last summer at 80 & he was 90. (He has since passed *RIP) She has moderate alzheimers now and they were both convinced they were married. Such a special time.
It is hard....PLEASE do research & read about the illness your Father has....TRUST ME....IT IS SO HARD....but remember....this man that is giving you a headache now...is NOT your father that loved and cared for you as a child....this disease is slowly robbing you of who he is/was....ENJOY EVERY single SECOND while you can....take a trip down memory lane when times get tough....there WILL be a time that he will not recognize you or even himself....and lastly .... Prayer ALWAYS helps. "This too shall pass" and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"....say them over & over! God Bless you & your son.
Your dad needs more physical and mental assistance. Please do not wait until things get much worse than they are now. Your Dad needs a memory care facility. And your son has done his share. Do not let your him take on this tremendous responsibility alone any longer. He needs to get on with his life, and by getting his grandfather appropriate care, he is actually doing the loving thing for him.
Is your father and son able to move in with you until you can get things under control and find the best placement? That way, at least there would be two of you to care for your Dad temporarily.
Good luck...never any easy answers!!
Can anyone intervene for you? another family member, doctor, friend, whom he trusts?
Failing everything else, I think it would be a good idea for you and your son to set some boundaries (ie: Dad bathes at least once a week, changes the diaps. everyday, wears clean clothes, and allows someone to come in and steam clean all the upholstered furniture.) If he does not comply, he needs to go to a place where these things can be done for him. Do not have this conversation with him until you have the plans in place and are committed to following through on them.
Good luck...I hope you find a good resolution...at least get your son out of this disgusting situation........Lilli