My mom moved into assisted living three days ago. It is a wonderful facility and so far she loves it. It was mostly her idea to move, as she fortunately recognizes her limitations and felt she could no longer cope with meals and upkeep on her condo. She is legally blind and often misplaces things and gets upset and frustrated. When she was in her condo, I would often drop everything and go over to help her search for things. Now that she's in assisted living, she's still calling me in a panic. I've been telling her over and over that it's the PSWs job to help her when she misplaces things, but she doesn't get it. I guess I should just give it time? She's only been there three days and has to get used to the routine.
I'm not sure what type of setup your mom has with her Assisted Living, but the ones that I am familiar with have staff very much involved with the resident on a daily basis. All of the ones that I know in NC have staff enter the room in the morning and help the resident dress. They also make the bed for the resident and escort them or inform them that breakfast is ready in the dining room. Staff also gives them their meds and checks vitals throughout the day. They also come by the rooms at activity time to remind everyone of it. They return at lunch and dinner and also go to each room for snacks twice a day. They go to their rooms at night and get them dressed for bed as well.
I would see how often the staff is interacting with her. Maybe she needs more support from them.
Also, upthread you say that your mom misplaces things a lot. Do you think she may have dementia too? If so, she may forget what you ask her regarding not calling you for everything. When the memory fails, they just don't recall things anymore. If constant calling becomes too much, I would discuss having her call a number where she can leave a message. Then you call her when you can. Of course, the facility would have an actual number where they could reach you in case of Emergency.
I'm glad the place is working out for her.
I know it's a control issue on her part. Thankfully for my own health I've learned to say no to her demands when it's something that could be easily taken care of by one of her CNA's. No more 20 mile round trips for five minutes of nonsense. And no guilt about it anymore either. If she's going to be that stubborn it is her problem, not mine.
I know this isn't very helpful in answering your question. I just don't want you to waste years like I did in caving to every little demand. If she doesn't adjust after three months or so, step back and see what happens if you don't fulfill every request. Hopefully she will change. If she's a narcissist like my mother, I wish you strength and courage.
This week I moved my Dad into Independent Living so he is totally lost at what is in his new apartment and what is still remaining back at home. So I can understand what your Mom is going through. My Dad was the same as your Mom, he wanted to move out of his house into something much safer. He is so happy where he is :)
For your Mom, ask the facility if someone could drop in on your Mom everyday to ask if she needs any help with anything. Eventually she might say yes :)
You could also get the name and number of the people she should be relying on and when she calls you, you call them and ask them to handle it. Eventually, your mom will see that they can handle it.
I would give it at least a few weeks to see if things pan out.
Next time you go over when she requests help, get one of the staff involved, make the introductions, chat a bit so Mom can get to know the person and feel more comfortable calling her, or someone else the next time she needs help.