Follow
Share

I am going insane.....I have been trying desperately to help my 92 years old grandmother for the past few months get her banking, bills, doctors appts, meals on wheels and so much more together for her. She has a old friend of hers that has done her bills for years and yet now that I have started helping her it seems as though this woman has been taking advantage of my grandmother. Plus this woman feels that nothing is wrong with her. My gram is getting worse and worse by the day at remembering any conversation that had taken the day before let alone things that happened days or weeks ago. I feel as though I am going nuts. One day I am able to help and the next day she is shag nasty and changes her mind telling me no one can tell her what to do. I have power of attorney which I really don't know what that means. Last evening she called my father and told him off saying we were never going to put her into a home etc. and no one had the right to make her move. Today she doesn't even remember calling him. What do I do? I am at wits end. I have most of her bills set up as auto pay and now she is going off saying she is going to open a new checking account and pay her own bills. OMG please someone give me some advice.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

7 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Sorry dsl, my Mom has told me before several times, "I might as well just shoot myself." It's one of the things she says when she's not getting the response or answers she was hoping for. It's almost like a toddler escalating the argument in an attempt to get the desired response. I'm not saying not to take your Gma's threat seriously, but that it is not uncommon in my experience with my Mom who has dementia.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
dsl, how far away is your father? Sometimes a male son can direct a mother's thinking more easily than a daughter or granddaughter can. I am assuming you are a granddaughter. Correct me if I'm wrong. I think you are doing a wonderful job. When someone has dementia, their minds can become scrambled at time. It is exasperating. When my mother's mind is too confused I end up walking away to preserve my own sanity. It is really difficult to deal with at times. Sometimes it is easier not to deal. You can try to distract her, but this often doesn't work when someone is in a moderate stage of dementia. It is okay to walk away and do something else. Chances are she'll forget about whatever was of great concern to her. 
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Thank you for all you responses. She talked to my father tonight and I know she is going threw "sundowning" each evening which is so difficult but tonight she threatened to commit suicide. I am not sure where to go with this. I am scared and frustrated because I have contacted office of the aging and they just don't seem to be any help!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
My mother started messing up her bills when she was around 90 and her dementia and memory got really bad. We solved the problem by contacting credit card company, cable, phone, etc whoever sent her an invoice and had everything sent to me, also had the bank send me the statements. Then we opened another checking account for her and put a few hundred dollars in it. She only wrote checks to the hairdresser from it, and she still couldn't balance it. I monitored it on line but she felt she was in control because she had a checkbook. She didn't go anywhere, even to the store and I paid all her bills, and she couldn't figure out how to buy anything by mail. Once she didn't see bank statements she forgot about them, and where her money was. I felt deceitful, but it was the only way to protect her after she lost her judgment.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
You sound like a wonderful granddaughter! You need to learn as much as you can about dementia and Alzheimers. Go to youtube and search on Teepa Snow. She has many videos on dealing with people with Alzheimers.

Your grandmother can't remember that she's having issues. I had that with my mom and it can make you crazy. You're doing things because of problems, but your grandmother can't remember that there WERE problems, so she sees YOU as the issue. At some point, you may need to go for guardianship, if she is trying to manage her own financial affairs or if she isn't cooperating with what's safe and healthy for her. You are doing the right thing, just keep coming here and reading the threads on Alzheimers. It's a hard disease to deal with and you are doing the right thing to help your Grandmother!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
It sounds like you are doing what needs to be done. It is very hard to deal with a loved one who has dementia. Inability to handle finances is often one of the earliest symptoms of dementia.

Could Gram open a new account? How would she get to the bank, for example? If this is an idle threat (a delusion, really) then I'd try to ignore it.

I think that online autopay is technology's greatest gift to caregivers. Have you also switched to fully electronic billing? If no bills comes in the mail, might Gram not even think about needing to pay bills?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
dsl, on your profile you wrote that your Grandmother has Alzheimer's/Dementia... what you are seeing and hearing is the Alzheimer's/Dementia, your Grandmother's brain is no longer working correctly and there isn't any thing anyone can do.... but be patient as possible.

Your Grandmother's mood swings could also be an urinary tract infection which can mimic dementia and/or make dementia even worse. Take her to her primary doctor, I know it won't be easy.

Learn all you can about Alzheimer's/Dementia. It won't make it easier but least you will understand what the heck is going on. Scroll down to the end of this page to the blue section.... click on ALZHEIMER'S CARE... now read all the articles. Yikes, it is only going to get worse.

Being Power of Attorney means to step in when Grandmother can no longer make wise decisions on her health and her finances. Sounds like you are doing just that, but Grandmother is creating speedbumps.

It might be time for Grandmother to get more help like bringing in caregivers if Grandmother can afford to hire them. Don't you use your money. Or time for Memory Care at Assisted Living or a skilled nursing home. So many things to think about for now and in the future.

First check for that UTI with her doctor. If Grandmother has a UTI it can be corrected and hopefully she will settle down.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter