My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia in Oct 2016. My sister and I had already spent much time with her, especially my sister, due to two rounds of breast cancer, a mastectomy, & daily treatments. I worked full time then but did all I could. After the dx, Sis was given POA, both durable & medical. We put a home equity line of credit in place to make repairs on her home so that when leased, we'll have an ongoing income which will, along with her SS, pay for her AL apartment. While all this was being put in place we traded nights to feed her and stay with her overnight. She was having delusions and was scared to death in her home. She believed people were in her attic and called the police several times. We finally found a nice ALF that we will be able to afford and moved her in on July 15. So now we just have to manage the repairs, have an estate sale, and find renters! Mother will be cared for properly and we get our lives back. So we thought... First 3 weeks Mother was furious and did all she could to get us to take her back to the house that she hated. Made our lives hell. Then she was put on Aricept and everything changed. She was calm and pleasant. Whew, glad that's over! So we thought... I go for a visit and she's really on edge. Says my brother (who is a 65 yo alcoholic) was just there. That night she reverted back to furious. She accused us of taking her money and checks. (She had no cash and willingly gave up her checks previously). This is still the ongoing attitude. Added twist: As I'm paying her bills and checking her account, I discover that my brother's utilities and auto insurance have been set up for automatic draft from Mother's bank account! He can and does work so there's no reason that this should be the case. I speak with my aunt, who advises that the money be moved out of the account and the bank notified not to pay that going forward. I now am pretty sure that brother's visit was what flipped her switch. I believe he wanted money and that's what brought up the problem of her not having her checks. I did switch the account and informed the bank of my reason. Today he picked up mother and took her to the bank. He told them to change the address and phone number on the account - his of course. He is not, has never been a signer on her account, because she didn't trust him (her words). So the banker called me and let me know. The change was stopped but this shows his manipulation of her. Sis and I spoke to an attorney about guardianship but that will cost $12,000 or more. We're not well off. What is the point of spending all her money to protect her money? Either way, it's gone. She can rescind the POA's at any time and then what? He has done nothing to help us with her care. I tried to involve him in the decisions but he wanted to sell her property right away, as is and when we wouldn't agree he never called or showed up again. He didn't speak to Mother for over 7 months until his electricity was turned off. Any ideas or suggestions are appreciated.
I'm sorry I didn't answer right away. We are busy in defense mode. I will post results soon. Hopefully, our troubles will help someone else. It's so sad but I've learned that this is a very common problem.
I am stating to the ALF that from a medical view, I don't believe that it is in Mother's best interest to leave with her son. The facility now understands that he only upsets her. My mother physically attacked my sister and one of the aides for no reason about 2 weeks ago. I'm quite certain that it was after she spoke with him. After she talks to him, she becomes very agitated. Not only do I worry about her physically and emotionally, but her future is at risk. That brings us to my sister having Durable POA, she has informed the ALF that he could jeopardize all that we have planned to keep paying for her care if he's allowed to take her away from the Assisted Living Facility. I have no doubt that if he gets her away from there, he will have her sign that property over to him. That is really all he wants now. If he gets that, we'd never hear from him again. I'm sure that we could have any paperwork deemed null & void due to her condition, but what a lot of red tape to deal with! Also, just more to upset her. So, they've been given specific instructions that she shall not be allowed to leave with anyone without one of us giving permission. There's only 3 people that I would not give permission to: my brother, his son, and one of his daughters.
I so wish he would just be a decent son and call or come visit his mother and keep things light, easy, and fun. She has a good sense of humor if she's in a good mood. Of course, I've only seen her either depressed or angry in the last several months. Though, the staff all love her and say how she's so sweet and funny. He has not come back and I would hazard a guess that he's spoken with an attorney and learned that he has done this to himself and has nothing on his side in this battle.
Ok folks! Next step, we find out if the RE Broker will list it while he's living there or if I'm required to have him removed first. If he must be removed, we'll be dealing with the sherrif! I'll keep y'all updated.