My 96 year old mother has mild dementia and throws a temper tantrum almost daily. She knows she is wrong because she apologizes after the fact. While she is having a tantrum, she screams, cries and says hurtful things. If ignored, she only gets louder and threatens to go outside and step into traffic.
When I first came to stay with my mother 10 years ago, after my father died, her memory and judgment already were impaired. And temper tantrums were typical because she was an 85-year-old spoiled brat. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to find she did control her behavior when I objected to verbal abuse. I told her we could disagree without being disagreeable and she has complied as much as her nature will allow.
The first time she launched a tirade when I brought home from the grocery store something she thought wasn't good enough, I told her if she didn't like my choices then I would drive her to the store, drop her off and she could do her own shopping. Amazingly, that was the last time she pulled that trick.
Then, at age 95, her acting out became extreme. She spent basically all her time demanding this or that, yelling at me, wanting to get out and walk to her mother's house (dead now these 70 years and never lived near here), on and on and on. She rarely slept and she looked like a person possessed. I had the outside door locks changed to key-only and wear the key around my neck.
Her personality remains the same now that she's on generic Seroquel and Aricept, but the intensity is gone. I resisted her being given such strong drugs until now because I wanted her to have the best possible quality of life each day. And that's the same reason for starting the meds because clearly she was suffering.
Her calming down and sleeping more also has improved my own quality of life, in fact probably saved what shreds of sanity I have left. I was close to the breaking point when the doctor rescued us.
Every case is different, but the one common element is that the behavior gets worse and worse. And then there’s the issue of how much good you’ll be able to do if your mother drives you nuts. Maybe it’s time to look at the big picture and see what’s best for the family as a whole. Blessings to you for a positive outcome for everyone.
I try not to, but sometimes she gets to me and hurts my feelings. I love working in the yard, so that's where I go for refuge when she is having her tantrum. Sometimes she realizes that she has gone too far. Now, not so much.
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