My mother is trying to stay living independently after recovering from falling and breaking her hip. She had some sort of psychotic episode that we think led to her falling. Now back at home, we are able to leave her some of the time with an "alert" pendant, and an automated and monitored medication dispenser. She, of course, hates that any sort of monitoring need to happen, but is somewhat willing to accept it as long as it means that she doesn't have to have a "Babysitter" (provided by her 4 adult children and her oldest grandson - who is my son). She started to develop syncope, which doctors in hospital think is due to a sensitivity to Atenolol, so her dose has been cut in half. So far, 48 hours of no dizziness being reported. My question - she's started to verbally attack my son - accusing him of treating her disrespectfully, not wanting him to stay with her, etc. She has exhibited obvious delerium, anxiety, and confusion very recently; so those type of remarks are usually easy to overlook. However, these last few "attacks" are said with a great deal of lucidity, and seem to be truthfull from my son's perspective. He is extraordinarily hurt, as you can imagine - he's 19 and is studying for an emt exam. He's been at her house the entire time she was hospitalized to care for the house, clean it, and care for her animals. He helped to stay with her when she first came home, so she didn't have to accept VNA "strangers". So this kind of new(ish) behavior directed to him is very hard for any of us to take, but especially him. My question - has anyone else had a similar situation happen, and how did you cope with it? I'm recommending that my son get some help from a support group, and perhaps talk to her social worker...
What I have done is repeatedly told my daughter how much she is appreciated and that she no longer have to assist if she does not want to. Now that everyone has moved into my home .....the unrest is ongoing. So, my husband and I have decided to clear our space. The process has begun to place mother in an assisted living home like the one she was in previously. This is now a matter of our sanity and well being as mother does not care (may be she is not aware) how we are affected. Everyone has suffered with her being here the past year and it is time to make a change. Sometimes we have ideas in our head as to how we think things should be but it is not always the best choice. I somehow thought we could care for her until the time came for a nursing home. There are no other options in this situation.
I pray for you and your family. At this point your son has to live his life and I would have a heart to heart with him. Let him know how much his support is valued and he now has to focus on his future and his goals. We do not need our young people to build resentment and become angry toward the situation. I wish you well and resolve with this situation. It may be time to find a reputable home care agency and hire someone.
Good luck.
Sometimes I think my self worth is never going to recover....my own plan for myself is to put myself in a home before I put my own children in this situation.
The bottom line is this for me, and this is where my two cents comes in. If I were the only person left to care for her, I would. I would make sure she was safe, dry and cared for. I would see after that. But I would not put myself in the fray to be abused by her any more. If someone is lucid and just basically mean, don't put yourself in her line of fire. Hire somebody and have peace.
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