My dad had a stroke 3 months ago and he has left side neglect. He’s unable to transfer himself and they’ve told me he needs 24-hr care. I want to make him happy, but doctors, therapist and nurses say I can’t do this alone. I work outside the home. Any suggestions?
He did however have extensive physical, occupational and speech therapy for many months after, and was eventually able to walk with a brace on his right leg, say a few words and some short sentences, but never did regain use of his right arm or knew how to read or write.
But we made it work together. I'm sure it was easier for me because I was 12 years younger than my husband.
It did get harder as time went by as my husband continued to have many health issues along the way, and eventually developed vascular dementia, which took him in 2020 at the age of 72.
But I was blessed(hard as it was)to have been able to keep him home and care for him until his death.
Your dad was older when he had his stroke and I'm not sure how much therapy he has had, but I would make sure that he is still getting the necessary therapy he needs to get back as much as he possibly can, before it's too late.
I know when my husband had his stroke, his doctors said that it can take up to 2 years before someone can regain what has been lost, so make sure that your dad and his therapists are still working hard.
I wish you and your dad the very best.
My father was never the same person after his stroke. It was hard to see how he declined after his stroke.
If you are able to, I would either hire additional help or place him in a facility.
I don’t think it will be possible to work full time and care for your dad.
It may be possible for Dad to live at your home. Here are the immediate things I can think of you will need (there will be more);
- equipment eg wheelchair, wheelchair ramp, commonde, hoist (if unable to stand to transfer) electric bed
- support person for all assistance eg transfers, meals, toileting, dressing, bathing, medication dispensing.
- assistance for activities and social support
OnlyChild, if you work outside the home, then you will need to delegate Dad's care to trained people all the hours you are away.
This will be very financially burdensome + take much organisation for you to arrange - a staff roster, staff absences, late, fill-ins, training etc.
The hours you are at home, you will need to be 'on duty' to assist Dad. Eg every evening & every overnight. This will include toileting assistance.
If Dad can no longer use a telephone & has poor mobility or cognition, he may not be safe of left alone. This means if you wish to go out, he will need to accompany you. Probably in a wheelchair. Could you manage transfers in & out of your car & manage the weight of a wheelchair? There are lighter weight ones (but I know I can't). Or use a wheelchair taxi service.
It's 24/7 supported care with a staff of YOU + staff you hire.
Don't fall into any magical thinking traps that because someone is 'at home' their 24/7 care needs disappear.
Also, that their social & emotional needs will be met.
I have seen the fallout of people brought home when there is inadequate care.
Please change *happy* to something more useful.
PS Don't be surprised if this hits you hard. You may start to grieve what Dad has lost. It is probably a lot. It is OK to grieve.
*Happy*. What does that mean to you? To Dad?
I would start by listening to Dad's medical team. Update your thinking to the new reality, harsh as it is.
Stroke is a game-changer. It is a serious brain injury. Yes people do & can recover & it is good to be hopeful! I hope Dad has a great physio team to assist with his recovery journey. Be a part of that - to cheer him on with any gains made.
As to "make Dad happy". Look to rephrase this.
How about *support* Dad in his stroke recovery or *support* Dad in his adjustment to being a stroke survivor.
*Happy* does not mean trying to BE a 24/7 nursing home.
The TIA's did take a toll, as she became more frail, and thus my responsibilities as caregiver increased. I often thought, "What if this time, it turns out to be the "big one." How will I handle it? I was so relieved I never had to answer that question, as she never lost the ability to feed herself, speak, write, walk or smile. She died at age 93, having lived a long and productive life. I still get upset thinking what we both had to go through. You do need additional help. Reach out to your local Office for the Aging, and County Dept of Social Services, for suggestions on how to get assistance. I wish you well.
He will need to hire 1 maybe 2 caregivers. Some will require 2 caregivers if there are problems with transfers or if equipment is used. (This is if you hire through an agency)
Most AL facilities can not use equipment so if that is necessary and he can not be a 1 or 2 person transfer he would then be a candidate for Skilled Nursing Facility.
Maybe the only way to be sure that he is safe is in Skilled Nursing.
YOU can NOT "MAKE" him happy. That is not your job. He can chose to be happy or not that is his choice.
If you are POA and he can not make decisions at this point your sole responsibility is to make sure he is SAFE and cared for in a setting that is appropriate for his level of care needs.
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