Any thoughts or advice on getting parent a senior aged roommate? I'm probably asking for a disaster waiting to happen, but it seems like it could be a viable option, as long as said roommate has a written plan in place and supportive family members should a move for that person need to be made?
There are so many lonely seniors out that that could still live independently. Thoughts? Thank you!
And we’re compatible!
In my opinion, it doesn't work when one person owns the house and the other is coming to live with them. It will always be the owners house and her rules. My daughter moved in for nine months. She kept changing things around in my kitchen. Drove me nuts. She brought a cat so had to make room somewhere for him.
Then, like said, if one gets ill who is responsible for their care. Will the family step up to the plate.
If doing this because the person is having financial problems, then sell the house and go to a nice independent or assisted living. This would take care of socialization too. We have to get away from We want to stay in our home till we die". Its not realistic. And there are so many options now a days. No worrying about upkeep on a house. Paying someone to mow.
You have to consider, pets, visitors (length of stay) ages, etc. I spent a summer at the beach with a close friend who had both knees replaced. She needed help with navigating her steps. We got along well with two exceptions. I didn’t like her 2 indoor dogs and she didn’t care for my husband coming to spend the weekend to fish. We’re still best friends, and I would help her again if necessary, like she would me. But, that summer did make both of us think about roommates, etc. Everyone should remember, The Golden Girls was a television show.
There were several advantages to having a room mate besides sharing the cost. One was that having another set of eyes and ears allowed for greater security, especially if the two had different schedules. Another is that the other person might own some items that can be used by both and perhaps have some useful complementary talents or skills. Finally, the companionship and help in an emergency are useful benefits. (Although each of us joked that our next roommates would be female, it didn't necessarily work out that way--but occasionally we would double date along the way!)
However, I'll admit the situation might be different when having two older people together, especially if age-related disability issues are involved.
Are you looking for a boarder or renter as your parent needs additional funds to pay for their costs of living in their home? They are still ok on their ADLs but financially can not afford their home.
If this is the scenario..... that your folks can not afford to live in their home.... and you cannot afford to cover whatever “gap” exists financially, then personally I think it’s best for them to look at selling their home and move into IL that has activities and goes on scheduled shopping trips via a van or scheduled public transit with IL staff.
If this is about socialization, why is this an issue now?
Has something changed in their life that has caused an issue?
I’d be concerned that whomever moves in will inevitably have their own
issues both financially and medically and your mom gets entangled with their problems. If things go bad, it can be hard to evict them as many places have tenant rights. This site is littered with tales of woe from family members who move in with an elderly parent. Getting a stranger moving in is even more of a crapshoot imo.
Roommates are challenging!
I think it's something better done when the seniors are still in decent condition and can get used to living with each other, etc. One of my friends has actually mentioned some of us doing this at some point. Interesting, no doubt.
There are a LOT of widows in my town (lots of people seem to retire to our area) and I've thought how nice it would be for 2 or 3 of them to live together to help each other, etc. Someone to chat with, share the work load with, etc. A house is too much for one older woman, IMHO.
Perhaps an agreement, in advance, in writing, about bringing in a "helper" at a shared cost. Like someone to clean the house. And/or do the cooking. Now, that sounds great to me!
There are some senior living houses around here where someone has taken a large house and made 4-6 "suites" out of it. Someone even purchased an old community school and converted it into a senior house. In those cases, everyone is an equal tenant with the same rights and obligations, definitely not the same situation you have with just a single roommate in a private home.
In the extended family, there was one childless aunt in her late 70s back in 1980s with a very large house who arranged for 2 widows in their late 50s to live on the second floor while she lived on the first floor. The upstairs had 4 BRs and 2 BAs so each lady got a bedroom, sitting room, and bath. The live-ins got room and board and a small monthly payment for cooking, housekeeping and yard work. My aunt had no problem with the live-in's family having the run of the downstairs common rooms and yard when they visited. When she died in 1994, the live-ins continued living there until they received a bequest from the estate that allowed them to relocate; by that time each was old enough to draw SS and this arrangement seemed to have worked out well for everyone.
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