I try my best to make healthy and appealing meals for my mother.
1. Come up with meal plan (as she will not provide any input)
2. Shop for food
3. Prepare food
4. Serve meal
5. Listen to complaints about meal
6. Clean up
7 Repeat
I just don't know how to please her and am at the end of my rope - meal wise. If left to her own devices it would be potato chips and doughnuts all day long. Any advice for making this more pleasant? Thanks for letting me vent.
To improve his calorie intake, I recently bought Benecalorie, a liquid 1.5 oz “food enhancer” with nutrients, protein, and 330 calories. It has a neutral taste, and I’ve started adding it to his food. I also ordered Thrive ice cream, which has extra nutrients. I’ve heard it’s tasty! These are what patients are given in rehab, so I’m hoping it helps. Thrive also has enhanced gelato in different flavors.
Last thing I'll add is to respond with humor. If mom complains about a meal, I remind her of the time - long ago when she was a wife, mother, full time worker, AND probably going through menopause during a long hot summer - when she served us a supper of cold hot dogs with cold cereal. Dad sternly told my sister and me to eat it and be quiet. THAT always makes her laugh. And she briefly "gets it" so we can move on.
Mom with alz is 79 and really the only thing she can "taste" is sweet. She cannot smell at all, which is common for her age and condition. I can't imagine how unappealing food is when you can't smell it or taste it! I hope not to get to that point. Since mom has been there for several years now, she continues to lose weight. A pound or so every month. Our trusted nurse advises that, at this point, it is also becoming difficult for her to eat, physically. Chewing and swallowing will continue to decline and will be a big part of her ultimate demise.
So let her eat what she wants and likes, as long as it does not cause immediate harm.
In Mom's world now, she must rely on others for nearly everything. Having the chocolate shake meal replacements and individual bags of salty snacks front and center lets her have a tiny bit of freedom and autonomy. Maybe that is the best that can be done....
Boost and Glucerna have great healthy and delicious options and are the quickest way to get nutrients in both your loved one AND yourself!
Finally, once you have some of the "quick and easy" meals that are acceptable to YOU then roll out those meal plans repeating every 2-4 weeks. Include open times for planned take out or delivery at least once a week.
The complaints likely won't stop, but you'll be less emotionally invested - AND spending far less time!
Online grocery shopping and delivery will make that an easy process once you have the standard order created.
Post the plan and cross this problem off your very long list!
I don't know if a NH wouldn't just let her eat what she wants. Lots of carbs and sugar, so....
It's not an easy ride, that's for sure. My mom lives with me and I cook 2 (usually) very healthy, low carb, high nutrient, yummy meals a day for us and my husband. I try to keep it on the paleo side. She's not terribly fussy, so luckily she'll eat most of the things I make without much complaint. She used to say she didn't like the scrambled eggs. We used coconut oil, she wanted butter. Fine. Now they're in butter. We used to make them more omelette style which she didn't like, she wanted them "scrambled" and fluffy. OK, fine. We make them that way and she doesn't complain anymore. About that, anyways. So, I had to drill down to the exact root of that complaint which was pretty easy to resolve. If only other issues were so easy to resolve. It's good for me to remember that!
She "cheats" like heck the rest of the time. Very content eating junk food with no nutritional value. Frustrating since she should lose at least 50 pounds but there's only so much a girl can do.
Good luck. Maybe if you give more details, you can get more specific advice from those in the trenches.
Also not knowing your details, it may be time to celebrate eating and stop worrying about healthy.
People can thrive on all manner of food. Our parents reached old age so there's that.
My mom loves French Fries and ketchup. She can have them every time I see her.
If your mom will eat a sandwich or soup or whatever, and potato chips, then encourage it.
There's a parallel with the pickiness of children's eating habits.
I say choose your battles.
It would be helpful if you gave us more information. How old is your mom? What are her health conditions? I assume you live together?
I have some experience with this problem. Not entirely successful. At one time I let it drive me nuts.
I tried to follow the guidelines that the health condition dictated within reason.
When my mom was living she was on Coumadin and was afraid of bleeding out. She avoided anything green. This was a real sacrifice to her because she was a big gardener and loved veggies. Her doctor told her to eat anything she wanted and her meds would be adjusted. She refused to do this. Which was her right and I believe caused further decline in her health.
I brought her a weeks worth of homecooked from scratch meals each week. She made herself a hot oatmeal breakfast each day and had a microwaved hot lunch of the food I brought.
Since she couldn’t have salt or Vit K (almost impossible to totally eliminate) and decided that many of the foods she could have caused painful gas, her food was very bland, not fun to cook and she didn’t enjoy it. Very discouraging. I did all the steps you mentioned (but not on a daily basis! I could not do that. ) including driving three hours one way to deliver the food, clean her house, yada, yada, yada. She had her cheats but they weren’t ones that would help the home cook. She would not eat a sandwich unless it was a made to order hamburger. I had to adjust my expectations of appreciation or admiration. She took great comfort in her steady weight, and her spot on blood test results.
And still she died.
My aunt (92 vascular dementia) takes three bp meds per day so in the beginning I tried to watch the salt. She doesn’t think that she likes salt but eats so much cheese I know she has too much sodium in her diet. Her aide makes her scrambled eggs with cheese and a slice of plain bread and a dollop of peach preserves each and every morning. She serves her a carnation instant breakfast or an Ensure before she leaves at 11.
She has snacks of peaches and cottage cheese, laced with full fat Greek yogurt, and bread all day long. She has hot soups in a thermos available for lunch. Many homemade. She will usually ignore that for more snacks. She also has Nutella off and on during the day. Fruit jello. A fruit salad. Slices of cheese. She gets meals on wheels three times a week which she NEVER eats (wellness check). She has a variety of sandwich choices available all the time, premade and cut into small squares with a variety of sides in each container like a boiled or deviled egg, piece of pie or chocolate, potato salad, pasta salad or other non green salad. (She hates lettuces) If bread is left on the counter top she will just eat that and not bother with the other things. If someone is visiting she will eat heartily of whatever is served. She never complains. If she has coffee and bread she is happy. As you can see I gave up cooking nutritionally for her as she just ate the bread and left everything else. I also watch her numbers. Weight, bp, pulse, blood work. Her geriatric primary thinks her numbers are great. Her blood sugar is a little high but she’s not diabetic. We’ve discovered if we put the loaf of bread in the extra fridge she doesn’t look for it and will eat the prepared foods a little better. I remind myself that she eats better now than when I started watching out for her.
I wish her diet were better but if I fuss she will say, “Does it matter at all that I feel good?” To which I always say that’s the most important thing and it is.
My advice to you is to lower your expectations for appreciation. Look for validation from her overall well being that you are most likely responsible for.
As for menus...
My mother couldn’t think of anything good to cook once she decided to give up everything she loved. My aunt will tell me not to worry, she’ll find a piece of bread. My husband is diabetic so that’s another story. Vent anytime. We understand.
By the way, how old is your mother? If she is in her 80's or 90's, she has lived a long life, let her eat what she wants [unless there are sugar limits]. I always say if an elder wants ice cream for breakfast, you ask "one scoop or two?".
Also, as we age, food starts to taste different, the flavor just isn't there as Katie had mentioned earlier. When I did the grocery shopping for my very elderly parents, my Mom also had on the list ice cream, Little Debbie cupcakes, apple pie, Whip-Cream, Pringles, etc. because sweets were pretty much all they could taste.
The fights over food may be part of the big picture. She may simply have no appetite. She may just resent how her life has turned out in general and decided to focus on your meals, which I’m sure are very good. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes it’s ok to have a bowl of cereal for dinner...
There are some nice sweet natural milks that make an awesome milk shake...without the added sugar. I used to add extra protein by using some boost in the shake.
See if there is some other natural sweet things she would like....maybe fresh chopped fruit? Fresh veggies are good too....just chopped not cooked. Cooking veggies changes their taste and texture...reducing the natural sweetness.