I've listened to my 94 yr old mother's crazy talk for long enough. Today, I snapped and told her she is imaging these things -- she is hallucinating -- they are not happening in real life. She is now accusing my brother-in-law of breaking into her apartment every night (she SEES him) and stealing anything from her dishwashing detergent to her reading glasses. And he's stealing her mail. And groceries. Now I've tipped her off that we all think she's demented (without using the word, I think I might have said "crazy", yikes). How will we ever get her to realize that Doug (son in law) is not committing these crimes, and that she in fact is in need of help? We've got to get her out of I.L. and into some sort of assisted situation. I'm just shaking, and I realize I just lit the fuse to a huge explosion.
You also could report what is happening to Adult Protective Services and ask them to investigate. I would treat it as an emergency for a couple of reasons. Having hallucinations and a lapse with realty can be very scary and confusing to the patient. It can cause emotional and mental distress that is not healthy.
And, the hallucinations or delusions may cause her to hurt herself, due to her believing they are real. We had a family friend who was frightened because he thought many children were running around in his home. He ran outside into the street, fell, fractured his hip and never recovered.
I'd go online to You tube and look at videos by Teepa Snow about dementia. If that is what she has, she needs help, medical care and supervision. Trying to convince her to stop thinking that way, stop having hallucinations, stop saying certain things, is really not going to work and in fact, just make things worse. I'd work on ways to comfort her and help her feel less scared. She's likely afraid to tell you how scared she is.
Welcome to our world--you are human!
Big hug!!!
Adult Child Support Group
When – Meets the last Tuesday of each month, 5:15 – 7:15 p.m.
Where – Banner Alzheimer’s Institute, 901 E. Willetta St., Phoenix, First Floor Education Room
You can call APS (adult protective services) and they will visit your mother and do a needs assessment. That's an excellent starting place. I know this is overwhelming. There's little we can do for our elders other than get them well taken care of in a safe place. There's a lot that can be done for us in dealing with the difficult emotions that come losing a parent while there are right in front of us. The meeting is this coming Tuesday. Hope to see you there.
Also, does anyone have medical POA? If not, it would probably be wise to talk to an attorney and seek emergency guardianship once you are able to talk to the doctor and get a diagnosis. It doesn't sound like she is mentally competent, and she will need someone to advocate for her with regard to her health and make sure she is in a living environment suited to her needs.
My mother has spent the last 72 yrs of her life only seein* a doctor for childbirth 40 plus years ago. She recently had a stroke in May. She will argue about EVERYTHING to ANYONE. I have realized that when I look back at her behavior through the years she has always been stubborn. We fight, argue and yes she goes off the rails, thinks she lives in a jail cell, and is treated like a child 80% of the time. The fact that she is NOT living with you is a miracle.....my mother does live with me and has for some time. I have found that either A. I become a raving lunatic because of all this or
B. I treat her like I would a stranger when she has these terrible days.
I keep the positive because the negative can swallow you whole.
At this point there might be the ability to do what I did with my mother......Make the doctors appointment......let them know how this might go.....and if you cannot get them to come to her....have her meet them in their parking lot if possible. You see, I have found that with my stubborn argumentative mother......she was just SCARED....plain and simply SCARED.... You might need to remind yourself that when she was younger.....doctors were the devil. You only went to them if you were dead, dying, or missing a limb period. From one daughter to another ........ This is hard but remember....YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!!!!!!