We live in NJ and are retired. Anita is a 68 year old previous work friend of mine who I socialized with over the last several years who lives in CT. She is an independent single person who lives alone. She lives near her best friend, an older woman who she asked to be her primary POA. Anita has asked me to be her "back up POA" but I am leery about taking this on. Anita pays all her bills by mail and has nothing set up on a computer and despite being her "friend" we have been the ones who always entertained her which we didn't mind, but we have never been invited to her apartment. Previously when driving from NJ to Cape Cod we couldn't even drop by for a pit stop. Weird. She has some relatives in CT who she says she does not see often. When dealing with my mother's affairs I saw how even with a POA it was difficult to manage another person's affairs (ie social security not accepting POA's) How can I tell her I don't want to take on this responsibility, especially at a distance without offending her?
My sister asked me some time ago if I would be the executrix of her estate when she passed; I asked her "you mean should your husband die before you?". She told me "no, he's not good at that kind of stuff." I told her I was not comfortable for the same reasons I listed above, and I wasn't willing to take on that job.
Good luck.
Great response!
I think NotGoodEnough's suggestions were spot on, delicate but firm.
The inability to see her apartment, and apparently learn more about her lifestyle, is to me a troubling sign.
I realize it may feel awkward to say no to her, but you can always follow it up by giving her other viable options, like suggesting a fiduciary or an attorney. She should create a Living Will and give it to her doctor so those decisions are pre-made by her.
I'm going to venture a guess that the reason she doesn't want you to see where she lives is because she's a hoarder. That would also explain why her family isn't willing to cover for her. Regardless, she deserves praise for having the wisdom to get her affairs in order!
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