She's getting worse everyday. Her husband visits everyday for about an hour but belittles her. He has gone on a spending spree since he put her in the nursing home about 6 weeks ago but won't give her $13.00 to get her hair done. I don't know what to do to help her. She cries every time I call her. I live in another state.
Although it is good for elderly people to get out and participate in activities or play games at their nursing home, there are other options for companionship. This is not referring to a romantic connection, but simply finding a friend that has similar interests or experiences. A good visit seems like it would do her well!
I am an Administrator for an assisted living home and sometimes we the administrators are the biggest advocate for the residents, when it concerns their safety and well being. The administrator can reach out to the company attorney to seek advise for your mom, they can also call Adult protective services on her behalf. Your mom has the right to her finances and you could also apply to become her POA and or the legal guardian. Documentation is absolute key to any of these types of situations. Have the administrator document his visits, what happens, what he says and how if affects your mom.
There are options other than Nursing homes to help those who need a higher level of care. Micro-communities are known as “AFH”Adult Family Homes.
For many this is a viable alternative to nursing homes, hospice facilities and Alzheimer’s care communities, adult family home model, which allows a maximum of six residents.
Does grandma have any money in her name? Is she on Medicaid, in which case her "allowance" should be going to to her account at the nursing home? When you say spending spree is he doing a "spend down " to become eligible for Medicaid? Have you asked the social worker at the facility to help resolve this?
Who is grandma's POA? If it's her husband, can she change it to one of you?
The point is I don't know what to do to help her. Her depression is getting worse. Family members are afraid to visit because they don't want to run into him. She is on antidepressants & they have increased her dosage. I am at a loss in how to help her.