How do I help my mother's friends and family understand that she has dementia? They bring things to my attention and when I say that my mother has dementia and that it is a progressive disease is not enough. They seem to want me to talk to my mother and this will fix or correct her behavior.
Is it because they have not experiences Dementia first hand? Is it because they do not understand the nature of being a 24/7 caregiver for a parent with Dementia?
To paraphrase Mr Bumble in 'Oliver Twist' - "If the friend supposes that, then the friend is A Ass. And the worst I may wish for the friend is that her eyes may be opened by experience, Sir - by experience!"
But, New2D, I appreciate how disheartening this must feel for you, to know that in the background there could be some people thinking you "could do better." Back seat drivers are a pain in the neck, and jolly irritating, and the last thing you need. It is hard to be patient with them, but do your best to remember that she means well, and that she just doesn't understand, and that you mustn't take it as personal criticism. Gently does it, and with a bit of luck she'll gain a better grasp of the realities of the situation as time goes on.
Hmmm… I wonder… The other thing you could do, if you judged you could do it safely, is leave the friend in charge for a brief period - say a couple of hours on one of your mother's better days. You'd risk coming back to a bit of a sh*t-storm, but it might be a valuable, practical lesson for her.
.You don't really get it until you've done it. To a non parent, a frazzled mom with a 2 year old having a temper tantrum elicits thoughts of " why doesn't she just explain that he can't have candy now". I'm sure to your mom's girlfriends and relatives, it looks different than it does to you. How about have THEM have the conversation with mom about what they think needs to be fixed? Is there any possibility of that workin
These are highly educated independent women.
I am at my wits end :-(