My 87 year old Mother is caregiver for my 97 year old Father. They still live in their home. My Father wakes up most nights between midnight and 2am, insisting it is morning and wanting my Mother to help him take a shower, dress and prepare his breakfast. If she tries to convince him it is the middle of the night he becomes agitated and belligerent. He says mean things to her. She is resistant to putting him a care facility. She has hired part-time care givers for a few hours two days a week and 4 nights a week. This is not enough and my siblings and I are very concerned about her welfare. What are our options?
Some people have a hard time with change and reality. They literally have to be forced into it by circumstances.
She will either get tired of being tired, Dad will escalate past belligerent into combative, or one of them will fall.
If either one end up in the hospital for any reason DO NOT PICK THEM UP. Whomever it is must be discharged into a care facility.
I begged my mom for 10+ years to move into a senior living place and get used to it while she could make choices and have some say. Nope. Can we plan your money to protect it? Nope. Can we do this in stages since I'm 1800 miles away? Nope.
At some point you almost have to let Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall to be able to make changes happen.
Remember, if mom or dad get mad at you for doing something to keep them safe and healthy, you have not failed. There's worse than being mad, and mad passes.
We have tried to get them to move to a facility that can meet both of their needs. Mom isn't interested. She does not need care, she can live independently. Their age difference and needs are drastically different making this a difficult transition. I think a crisis will have to occur before anything changes. Mom is quite capable but her judgement is slipping, just like your Mom WR.
So..........As FF says it will probably take a crisis to force the issue but even then it will be a battle with my folks.
Otherwise, it will take a crises to have your parents make a change.