Does anyone else find that when you have a loved one in hospice it's a lonely experience?
I mean, my husband is great, my mother-in-law is great, and I have a couple good friends, but I'm also amazed at how "invisible" I've become, or how "invisible" some so-called friends have become since my mother is in hospice.
I've never been the one to go run this monologue about all the details of my life, but you'd think a "how are you?" or a "how is your mother?" would be nice. I am not waiting for someone to ask a question to I can sob all over them, for God's sake. It'd just be nice to, you know, be asked after.
Grief is confusing, and I know I've been scared to bring it up, especially when I was much younger, but it's amazing that people you think are close to you suddenly get silent about the whole thing. This isn't just a casual Facebook friend who you "lol" some comment to now and then, either, but people you've known for years, decades even!
I think that death is one of those subjects that makes most people feel tremendously uncomfortable, and hospice is part of that.
Many people are so worried about saying the wrong thing that they (we/I) think that silence is best.
I'm so glad that you've got a few good friends you can communicate with about this sad and painful time. Can you reach out to some of those who aren't communicating with you and assure them that it's okay to talk about your mom without offending you? No, it SHOULD'NT have to be on you to take the first step, but sometimes that's what it takes.
Feel free to come here and vent/sob/yell!
I think just about anything is fair game in talking about a dying loved one, aside from "You SHOULD do this before they die" or "You mean she hasn't died already?"
I had company. I wish you well. You may have to let them know what you need.
You will see who are your real friends, and those that aren't aren't worth your time
maybe I’m just being angry over that, though, as an alternative to crying?
Yes, I did talk to the social worker. She was very nice. Also she said to call them ASAP if my mother was uncomfortable, etc., so it's nice to know they're looking out for her needs and are willing to listen to me. My husband is supportive and a few others have been really nice, but it's one of those situations where you realize who really cares.
I think dementia can be frightening if you've never been exposed to it, or to mental illness (sometimes they seem shockingly alike). If people understood that it's kind of a distorted reality and that the patient is experiencing things through a kind of warped glass or something, maybe that would help.
Why doesn't dialysis qualify him for hospice? Is it because it's considered treatment instead of just maintaining one's comfort in their final days?
There is truth in what you say. Better not to say anything rather than something hurtful or even stupid! I have a friend who constantly tells me that I am so lucky to still have my mom at 93. When I say I am tired or frustrated because it’s hard she tells me how she wishes she still had her mom around. This woman is 79 years old! Like she would enjoy taking care of someone when she needs assistance herself. That’s just crazy talk to me. Plus her dad died when she was five. That factors into it as well. I’m sorry she lost her dad young but it doesn’t lessen my burden and whenever she calls she NEVER asks about me, only my mom. If I tell her something annoying that mom does, she will say, your poor mom, never seeing that mom is a challenge for me at times. But she loves to talk about nutty stuff that her mom used to do. I don’t do that to her. I listen but I get sick of no reciprocation.
For some who haven’t cared for others personally, they simply aren’t able to understand. They haven’t walked a mile in our shoes, no clue whatsoever.
" Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
i had a friend who had a stroke. She was a really nice lady. Daughter got a regular caregiver helper. Friends came once in awhile but not many. I went every few weeks ... forgot now how often.
Maybe friends think theyre intruding ??? I didnt care. We knew each other at the center. she had said once to me ... we could be friends. Then she had her stroke.
how could i give up on someone who had expressed a friendship wish ?
Anyway she had a funeral in a lovely room with about 10 or less people. She had been active at the local senior center and tax board.
Im sure people knew she had died but ...
it was like her daughter had a party for her and still nobody came.
I wouldnt expect a lot of response for anything.
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