My dad got a sore that turned into a bad wound. He finally went to doctor and they sent a wound nurse. She convinced my dad who hates hospitals to go get care. My dad picked the hospital he does like and went. I went to see him Sunday. The wound is to the bone right above his butt. It's the most horrible thing I have ever seen. They are treating him. I'm so grateful. They are giving him antibiotics. So now he is trying to figure out how to get home.
The one agency can train me to do the IV bag replacement but they want my guarantee I will be there 24/7 or close 30 mins away. (I live in Laramie 100miles away) I explained I can take some time off but not 4-6 weeks. They cannot train his one caregiver bc of the rules. They made it very clear someone needs to be there at night when it goes off from an error or if it gets ripped out he could bleed out.
They won't take him on for wound in-home care, unless I am there to do the IV. I'm in contact with case manager at hospital, case manager with his disability, my dad refuses to go to a rehab/nursing facility knows he can do this at home. I've told him I can't be there for that amount of time, what if you go to rehab for part if it? No he doesn't like that.
I said when I tell them I will be there, I'm not lying and getting in trouble if something happens, plus I don't want anything to happen. He thinks we are making too big a deal, he will find more help and an RN to do IV. I'm like you haven't found help for years and now you can? He needs to go home to handle things. I said I can help with those things. He doesn't like that he can't leave the rehab place, doesn't like he can't smoke.
I told him if this infection gets worse you could die. He knows and promises me he is not going to let it get bad. Ha, I tell him you have a wound on your back the size of a fist but now you know better? He will check himself into the rehab if this doesn't work. So he wants me to lie to this agency so he can work the loophole to go home.
I'm just tired. I love him, want him to get well. It's been so nice to know he is getting care. I'm busy at work. Putting my head in hands. Why does it have to be so hard with some family. Me, I'd go get the care. Him no, wants to do it his way. I talked to his sister, my aunt, she lives 30 miles away and said she can help for a few days. I'm like great but what about the rest of the time? My dad is telling the hospital my brother lives at his house. I said he doesn't. My dad will be mad. Then the hospital tells me the home IV is not as bad as the agency is saying. My head hurts. I am standing firm but am getting worn down.
You have done your homework, and there are no nurses available to come and change the IV. And no one is there 24/7, which is what is needed now, correct?
Do NOT...repeat DO NOT become trained to do ANY of this care. Because then you will end up being totally responsible. We have seen caregivers end up quitting their jobs over and over to take care of a parent. They thought they had no choice. Or they thought it would be just for a brief period of time.
But there IS a choice here. Your father needs to be in a facility to get the care he needs. End of discussion. Do not participate in ANY way if he somehow finagles going home. Do NOT learn how to do any of the IV care. If he insists that your brother lives with him, then you say that is it your brother who needs to learn to do the IV care. NOT YOU.
The best care for your father is going to occur is if you do NOT participate at all in that care.
DO NOT take this on yourself.
and then
"My brother who My dad pays is in prison. Made bad choices with drugs. That is what I try to get across its not just a simple situation with My dad on anything."
Your father is paying your brother, who is in prison??? I take it this program your father qualifies for is paid for by the taxpayers? So the taxpayers are paying your brother in prison?
Sounds like fraud to me.
1) Meet with staff and doctor and say you wish to "stage" agreement to be with him, but then have staff or doctor say his needs are now beyond your abilities.
2) Put on the "staged" show in front of your dad.
3) Start working with insurance and state agencies to get night or 24/7 care when he is released from Rehab Facility...vs Standard Nursing Home.
I was approved ( in Iowa) for Medicaide Waiver In Home Services in April. It took until September for the meeting to determine my needs, which is also determined by their budget. What I get is 4 hours a week and on call RN who asks if I need an ambulance. There is no actual on call nursing available.
You need to save your time for when he is ready to come home, as he will need you then.
Sometimes we just have to sort out nasty comments and only be mindful of what helps.
I think people mostly mean well, but all of us are looking at your situation through our own window of experience; and a distorted view can make for an unfortunate comment.
One good thing about this forum is being exposed to other points of view. Whether we embrace them or not, at least it helps us to understand that there are more ways to see a problem than we might have found alone.
Keep strong in what you know is right for you and your dad. God bless you for caring and loving him!
As With a lot of Stubborn Seniors, there is only so much you can do, unless you have obtained Guardianship. Remember, opinions are like Azzh**es, Everybody has one!
Hopefully this is the next step in getting his Medical team see that his living alone is not in his best interest, every step we take in the care of our parents is a learning experience, and along the way, it opens up opportunities to get him appropriation care, so keep speaking out, and taking names! You can only do the best you can, and you have done so! Take Care!
Well done sticking to your guns.
It is amazing how conniving old folks can get when they are trying to have there own way. It's like the terrible two all over again.
I really hope that his wound heals, those can be so painful.
Keep up the good work and stick around, if people are inappropriate it is okay to tell them so. Including me!
So here is a great big sun shining HUG for you!
Have things calmed down a bit? Dad doing better?