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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Search on Youtube for "Teepa Snow bathing a patient" and the video will come up for how to bathe a dementia patient. Even if your mom doesn't have dementia, these instructions will be super helpful.
As the others have said, fear is a huge obstacle. Discomfort is too. Low vision makes the room seem dark and scary. Hearing problems can make the echos in a bathroom scary. If the room is cold, that is a deterrent.
The waterless bathing wipes might be a good compromise between real showers. They are different than baby wipes and won't irritate or dry skin out.
Maybe bathe her upper half one day and her lower half another day.
Ask her if she wants a family member to help her in there or if she would be more comfortable with a female aid who is not family.
Keep whatever part is not being washed under warm towels - even if they get soaked.
Clean is relative and depends on what's happened that day!
I try to keep my mom stocked with body sprays, deodorant, and powder. Those go a long way to keep things dainty between her weekly baths. She can no longer smell herself, so it's up to the rest of us to make it happen.
I go once a week to help my mom shower. She's too frail at this point to do it on her own (or to be motivated to do it). If I didn't go over, she wouldn't do it either. So maybe offer to help or be there while she does, if she's fearful.
Peg makes a very good point. The first issue to address is the fear that arises from showering and how to mitigate it. Bathrooms can be dangerous for people with good balance and strength, but that changes when a person becomes elderly and begins to fear accidents in a room which can be hazardous to even strong people.
Lisa, your mother may have a number of concerns, ranging from the issue of embarrassment at being helped in such an intimate task, to fear of strangers, to fear of falling. Try to find out what really is scaring her, but in the meantime, try to figure out a way of keeping her clean without allowing the fears to become overwhelming.
I've also found that backing off on insisting on bathing is the first step to finding out what the underlying fears are. It isn't easy to admit fear of something someone used to be able to do on his/her own.
If she can wash up sitting down, that's a good step forward. A no rinse shampoo helps, as do the bath chairs that slide over into the bathtub so that your mother could sit down outside the tub, slide over, and not have to risk standing up and falling.
I had a similar problem with my 90 yr old dad... I finally just told him that since he was going out to lunch w/ family every Thursday that Thursday morning would be shower time. I would warn him Wednesday evening and then it was shower time right after breakfast on Thursday... no arguments. He finally explained to me that he had a fear of showering when no one was there. I started coming every Thursday for breakfast to make sure everything happened according to schedule. So it was a combo of figuring out what the fear was, linking it to an event that he wanted to participate in and being available for the shower.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As the others have said, fear is a huge obstacle. Discomfort is too. Low vision makes the room seem dark and scary. Hearing problems can make the echos in a bathroom scary. If the room is cold, that is a deterrent.
The waterless bathing wipes might be a good compromise between real showers.
They are different than baby wipes and won't irritate or dry skin out.
Maybe bathe her upper half one day and her lower half another day.
Ask her if she wants a family member to help her in there or if she would be more comfortable with a female aid who is not family.
Keep whatever part is not being washed under warm towels - even if they get soaked.
Clean is relative and depends on what's happened that day!
I try to keep my mom stocked with body sprays, deodorant, and powder. Those go a long way to keep things dainty between her weekly baths. She can no longer smell herself, so it's up to the rest of us to make it happen.
Lisa, your mother may have a number of concerns, ranging from the issue of embarrassment at being helped in such an intimate task, to fear of strangers, to fear of falling. Try to find out what really is scaring her, but in the meantime, try to figure out a way of keeping her clean without allowing the fears to become overwhelming.
I've also found that backing off on insisting on bathing is the first step to finding out what the underlying fears are. It isn't easy to admit fear of something someone used to be able to do on his/her own.
If she can wash up sitting down, that's a good step forward. A no rinse shampoo helps, as do the bath chairs that slide over into the bathtub so that your mother could sit down outside the tub, slide over, and not have to risk standing up and falling.